My marriage ended on a sunny day in April 2019, and by August, I was living alone in the home we had bought together with my two sons, 3 and 6, as our divorce proceedings started that fall.
Though my close friends and family knew what was happening, I felt so isolated and scared. Despite coming from divorced grandparents and parents, divorce is one of those life experiences that you can’t fully explain to other people; you have to just live it.
I had no choice but to put one foot in front of the other and keep going, and as fall turned to winter, I felt my divorce would never be over.
That’s when I decided to take my emotions public.
Getting divorced during the pandemic was incredibly isolating
I remember my then-first-grade son skipping from the bus stop on March 13, 2020. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I didn’t know when he’d see his friends again. Like most businesses during this time, divorce proceedings slowed down.
I homeschooled my kids and worked day and night as a solopreneur. Though it was difficult, we made it through the school year.
I kept going, I held my head high, but I still didn’t post about my divorce on social media, and as I was smack in the middle of the proceedings, I was very careful with whom I talked about it all.
I decided to announce my divorce online
That time in my life had been so difficult, and when another school year began in the fall of 2020, I continued to homeschool my boys. I felt like I was juggling a million balls in the air; if any of them dropped, everything would fall apart. My arms were so tired.
So, I was surprised when I cleaned up the wrapping paper under the Christmas tree on New Year’s Eve and started reflecting on the year we had just endured. What popped into my head wasn’t fear or uncertainty; it was the love and support I had received from the small group of people who knew what we were going through.
I was so proud of myself for surviving an incredibly difficult year with two children by my side. Most importantly, I wanted to thank the people who had been the foundation of our support during this time.
Inspired, I announced my divorce on Facebook on New Year’s Eve in 2020. I posted the announcement with a photo of my boys sitting on the kitchen counter together and smiling. My hands shook as I hit the post button and placed my phone on the table to finish cleaning up.
My divorce announcement was a proclamation of my bravery and strength. It was a story about my community who showed up for us and the dedication to my integrity and my joyful future.
Divorce is so often seen as a negative and shameful life decision. It’s perceived as a failure, but I didn’t see it that way at all. I saw my divorce as a beautiful awakening, a decision to choose happiness and peace for me and my children. That was the divorce story I wanted to share with my community. I wanted people to know that divorce is a brave life decision, and though the process is painful and often exhausting, the road that lies ahead can be a monumental one.
It was a love letter to myself, to my boys, and to the people who cared for us.
The response from people on Facebook filled me with love
When I picked up the phone just a few minutes later, the notifications were flooding in with messages like: “I deeply admire your strength, stamina, creativity, and ability to craft your best life for you and your family,” and “I wish I could tell you how much I think about you —how strong you are, how smart you are, and what an amazing mother you are.”
These messages filled my heart with love. They helped me feel seen and supported when I was isolated and overwhelmed.
For so long, divorce has been talked about in secrets and hushes, and we are told to keep everything close to the chest. It’s time we talk about our divorce, set the tone, write the story, and own our path forward. It’s time to announce your divorce as a brave act in the story of your life and let your community cheer you on as you start fresh.
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