A worried mother has taken to social media to express concern that the name given to her 8-year-old daughter could lead to ridicule later in life.
In a post shared to the U.K.-based online forum Mumsnet under the handle Leolala, the concerned parent said she named her daughter “Alexia” and is now regretting it.
“At the time of her birth I was aware of dyslexia [as a] term but it was not everywhere like it is now and it never occurred to either of us that alexia is also a medical term,” she said.
Alexia refers to a type of acquired dyslexia that can develop as a result of a traumatic brain injury, stroke or dementia. “We just struggled to find a name and both really liked it,” the worried mother said. “When we Googled it back then we discovered it meant “men defender” and thought it had a good meaning.”
What Impact Can a Name Have?
Parents often seek out unusual names to help their offspring stand out from others. However, some research has suggested there can be negative consequences as well.
A 2009 study published in Social Science Quarterly found that juveniles with unusual, uncommon or unpopular names were more likely to engage in criminal behavior than those with popular or more commonly used names. Much of this could be due to the way children with these kinds of names are accepted by their peers. A distinctive moniker might leave the youngster open to ridicule and even bullying.
That appears to be at the root of the mother’s concerns in the post about her daughter’s name. She admitted she is “constantly obsessing over the choice we’ve made.”
She has suggested to her daughter that she change her name, but the child has so far refused, telling her she “loves it.” Her mother remains worried, though. “She is not aware of negative connotations, but she may find out one day,” she wrote.
Why Change a Child’s Name?
Despite the mother’s concerns, Jami Dumler, a licensed clinical social worker with the in-person and online counseling company Thriveworks, told Newsweek the parent needs to look at the bigger picture.
“What I encourage parents to do is take a step back to reanalyze the why, asking themselves ‘Why would I go about changing the name?’ If the answer is anything other than what my child wants and what’s truly best for them, then let it all go,” she said.
“Everyone is going to have an opinion,” said the social worker, who specializes in family dynamics, pediatric and adolescent trauma as well as mood and anxiety disorders. “There are typically more positive opinions. However, the negative ones often feel the loudest. You are never going to make everyone happy when choosing a name for your child.”
Dumler also said that while the mother may be fearful of what is to come, “no one can predict the future, including the possible feedback your child will receive throughout their life regarding their name.”
How to Deal With Bullying
“What you can predict is equipping your child with the tools to have healthy boundaries, self-confidence and the ability to safely discuss any bullying experience with you,” Dumler said. “You can create this in modeling these skills yourself, helping them brainstorm solutions to social conflicts that do arise and empowering them to either stand in their name with confidence or identify a nickname that empowers them, if desired.”
The key, according to Dumler, is to “equip our children with the tools to tackle life’s challenges, rather than trying to stop or protect them from every uncomfortable moment that may come their way.”
The responses to the Mumsnet post expressed sympathy and support, but some commenters struggled to see what the problem was with the name.
“It’s a perfectly fine name, you’re worrying over nothing,” BuffaloCauliflower said. WhatAboutYa wrote: “It’s not that bad but I’d start calling her Lexi, which I think is pretty cute.”
SingleAndProud said: “In the kindest way possible…you really shouldn’t be giving so much headspace to a decision that you made almost a decade ago and which the person who has the name has no problem with it.”
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured in Newsweek.
The post Mom Seeks Advice Over Fears She ‘Ruined’ Daughter’s Life With Certain Name appeared first on Newsweek.
