A man who refused to be in his sister’s bridal party because he is in love with his future brother-in-law has been slammed online.
On Wednesday, user u/helpme__2 shared his dilemma with Reddit‘s popular r/AmITheA****** forum where it has received over 6,000 upvotes and more than 1.6k comments.
“I fell in love with my sister’s partner,” said the Redditor.
In the post, he explained: “This began around a year ago when my sister had to travel for work and her partner got into a pretty bad car accident just a week after she left… he needed someone [to stay] with him and help him get around for a while. I do freelance work from home to support myself, so they asked me if I could go and stay in their home for a while as her partner’s temporary caregiver while he recovered. I immediately agreed, wanting to help in any way I could.”
While he and his sister’s partner were good friends before the car accident, their time together as he recovered brought them closer, according to the OP.
“Living with someone and being there in some of their most intimate moments obviously strengthens a bond even further,” said the poster. “We bonded over our many shared interests and got to talk about deeper things that were typically off limits in a group setting.”
The time spent together developed into feelings and the poster explained how she was then already too close to start distancing herself.
“I had committed to helping him for the duration of his recovery and a sudden change in my behavior would just tip him off that something was wrong and add unnecessary stress to an already hard time. He had expressed feeling like a burden more than once,” he said.
But once his sister’s partner was back on his feet, the poster distanced himself further from the couple—leaving his sister and the partner confused.
“He eventually texted me and asked if he had done something wrong during our time together and pissed me off somehow, so we met up and I came clean,” he said. “The conversation was a brutal one and it eventually ended in both of us agreeing we would limit our time together from now on as there was no hope for an actual future for us—it would simply be too weird given the history.”
Melody Chadamoyo, relationship coach, author, and CEO and founder of relationship coaching service Heart Passion Institute, told Newsweek: “Movies like The English Patient and many others come to mind because the Florence Nightingale syndrome is real.”
The Florence Nightingale effect refers to when a caregiver develops romantic feelings for the person they are looking after. A psychological complex, it can include the patient developing romantic feelings for their caretaker.
But recently, things had become even more complicated for the poster as he explained that his sister and her partner had got engaged.
“My sister asked me to be in her wedding as part of her bridal party. I asked her to let me think about it—which already caused some tension,” he explained. “I finally told her yesterday that I was incredibly grateful for her offer but I had to turn it down. I’m fine attending as a guest, but being in the party just feels too much. She is now furious with me and is demanding I give her an explanation at the very least—something I have refused.”
After asking the internet if he was “the a******” for refusing to be in the bridal party with no explanation, the poster received thousands of replies.
One commenter said: “YTA (you’re the a******) for having an emotional affair with your sister’s fiancée for sure. She deserves better than this. Grow a pair and tell her the truth.”
Chadamoyo explained: “An emotional affair is where you bond and connect intimately with someone emotionally. This man was vulnerable, and he was grateful for someone else to mind him. I don’t think if it had been his sister or mother, he would’ve started getting feelings for them. They probably would get closer because of a shared difficult experience, but it doesn’t mean they are romantic. It’s probably gratitude.
“When he was spending time with her sister’s partner, they were all alone and it created a bubble of intimacy that seemed real, but might not be. It’s almost like what happens when couples meet on (dating reality show) Love Island and then when they go out into the outside world, the relationships don’t last,” she explained.
“This is a no-win situation,” said another commenter on the post. “You tell her, that would be terrible. You not telling her sucks too.”
Another Redditor wrote: “You need to support your sister and if you can’t control yourself around her soon-to-be spouse, just stay the hell away from them.”
“I think this man should tell his sister about his feelings,” said Chadamoyo. “This is like a test. If they are meant to be, then he will want everyone to know. If it’s a flash in the pan, then, after a while, he will get over him. Secrets are dangerous and the only way to reduce their power is to put light on them.”
Newsweek has reached out to u/helpme__2 for comment. We were unable to verify the details of this case.
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