Ryan writes: Our son is turning 10 in September. In lieu of a birthday cake, he wants to eat two dozen doughnuts in one sitting. He is convinced he can do it. We are certain that it will end in sickness or a lifelong doughnut aversion. Please order him not to do this.
There are only bad outcomes here: Either you become complicit in your son’s vomiting on his own birthday, or he somehow cruises through this gross and wasteful challenge, humiliating you both, and paving (glazing) his path to becoming a competitive eater. I get you want to honor your son’s agency and ambitions, but this case should never have reached me: He is 9; you are the judges. Your answer should have been as swift a no as my own mom offered me when I asked to eat a bowl of mayonnaise. That said, once he’s 18, you can’t stop him, his metabolism and his larger stomach from trying. At that point, two dozen may not be enough.