A British mother has sparked debate online after asking whether to move her children to the United States to live with their American father following the overturning of Roe v. Wade.
The mom had planned to move to the U.S. before having children, but because her husband had previously worked abroad for long periods she had stayed in her hometown in England.
Now her husband is working away less, the mother is considering moving, but she has “some anxiety” about living in America, plus she admitted they have not been getting along well recently.
The mother, who has the right to live and work in the U.S., said her husband was unable to move to the U.K. for various reasons, and that she felt “sick with guilt and worry” as her children may be “damaged” by her decision.
Many advised against moving, citing the recent overturning of Roe v. Wade as a reason, adding that it may be difficult for the mother to leave America with her children should she split from her husband.
Supreme Court Ruling
Taking to Mumsnet under the name Flowersatdawn90, she wrote: “He can not move here for many reasons.
“I am feeling very guilty that if I do not move to the USA to be with their father then my children will grow up with very rarely seeing their father in turn this is causing more anxiety as I feel they will be missing out on growing up with a father and this would be my fault and I keep having thoughts on how I am damaging them.
“I love them so much and I want the best for them and just the thought of them missing out and being damaged by my choices kill me.”
“No to moving to America. I too am wondering why he can’t move here, that to me, looks like a red flag on its own. Given recent events in America – just a flat no,” wrote one.
Another commented: “No way would I go to America, especially after the overturning of Roe v Wade, women’s rights come very low on their list of priorities.”
A third said they wouldn’t consider moving to a place where “the state thinks it owns my daughter’s body.”
The mom acknowledged that while there may be “many problems with America right now,” her children may feel “sadness” growing up without a father, and feared they may be negatively affected in later life.
“They also have loving grandparents in the USA and lots of cousins,” she wrote. “I can’t help but feel I am holding them back and depriving them of a father. I am feeling huge guilt.”
‘Great Father’ Who Loves Them
She added: “He is a great father and loves them dearly. If he was not working then he was here with us. The fact that he does not work away much now he would see them even less.
“If we move over there he will be with them always and they will grow up with a mother and a father. They ask for him a lot. I feel so sad and guilty that this is all my fault. I just want them to be happy.”
However commenters continued to insist against the move, with one writing: “If you’re not getting on great, I would say moving to the US for him is the last thing you should be doing.”
“It would be worth investigating what would happen with regards to child custody if you were to settle in the US, the marriage later break down and you wanted to return to the UK with the children. International child custody cases are complex and I suspect it wouldn’t be as simple as just getting on a plane with them,” said another.
A third wrote: “No way, if you go there you are trapped and what if you don’t like it, you won’t be allowed to leave with the kids. Much much more important that they have a happy mother, that is what kids need.
“If their father was similarly worried he would have found a way to move here, he clearly isn’t, which tells you what you need to know about him. There are no guarantees if you move there he will want to be any more involved in their lives than he is now.”
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