Chrishell Stause’s romantic relationships have often played out for the world to see. Between her and This Is Us actor Justin Hartley’s divorce playing out in Selling Sunset Season 3, her public late 2020 fling with Keo Motsepe of Dancing with the Stars, and her heavily-Instagrammed relationship with boss Jason Oppenheim, fans may think they know every detail of the Netflix star’s love life. But according to a new excerpt from her upcoming memoir, Under Construction, published Jan. 26 via E! News, there’s more to her breakups than what’s played out in the news. Writing about exes Hartley and Motsepe, Stause opened up about her self-described tendency to date “love bombers,” aka individuals who shower their significant others with an abundance of affection in order to eventually manipulate them.
“I am still a work in progress when it comes to relationships, but I like to think I have learned bit over the years. I have a history of going for similar types, like actors and performers who are super passionate about everything, including me. At least at first,” began the excerpt. “As reluctant as I am to talk about my exes in depth or to criticize anyone I’ve been linked to, most of it has been in the tabloids at some point, so I guess this is my chance to tell my side of the story.”
After meeting in 2013, Stause and Hartley dated for four years and married in 2017. Hartley filed for divorce two years later, with Stause claiming the actor initiated the marriage’s end over text message. Their divorce became final on Feb. 8, 2021. “Although there were definitely signs that things were far from perfect, ending things in such a finite way, without talking it through, was a complete shock,” she wrote. “The last thing I want to do is rehash old wounds but being so far away from it now I can see that what happened was a gift. Now I understand much more clearly how I deserve to be treated.”
She continued:
“When someone is in love, it’s hard to convince that person that the relationship isn’t right. Even if he’s waving red flags like a bullfighter to everyone around you, you’re the girl striding right up to him, oblivious to any impending danger. You’re too distracted and in your own world to listen. But also, sometimes a healthy relationship that starts out with zero warning signs can turn toxic over time, and you can end up bringing out the worst in each other simply because it wasn’t meant to be. If you’re a naturally optimistic person like I am, it’s hard to look for warning signs when you’re falling in love.”
Following the divorce, Stause claims she suffered an identity crisis and considered quitting Selling Sunset. But after losing friends she shared with Hartley and access to her stepdaughter as well as losing her parents to lung cancer in 2019 and 2020, the 40-year-old TV star ultimately decided she didn’t want to lose her job as well. Following some time to herself, she eventually found solace: “Getting some distance from a relationship that you think is good for you allows you to see the cracks in the foundation, and to spot all the red flags.”
“Did I learn from my mistakes after Justin? Well, when it comes to love I’m still a work in progress. I did fall for another love bomber not long after my divorce, and we were quickly heading toward real commitment,” she wrote, seemingly referring to Motsepe without mentioning the DWTS star by name. “He was a tall dancer, and he started off as this amazing, positive, generous guy. I took him home for Christmas to meet my family.”
“After the honeymoon phase, though, things took a turn. This time, instead of making excuses for his behavior, I actually opened my eyes, pushed past the smoke and mirrors, and saw the truth. I’d gotten stronger, and as soon as I realized how deep his apparent lies went, I was the one who ended it,” continued the Under Construction excerpt. “While it hurt, I was able to put it all behind me quickly. Before him, after a breakup I usually couldn’t eat or sleep, but this time was much different. I took care of myself, I kept busy, and I felt strong knowing that I’d done the right thing for me. Instead of feeling sorry for myself after we broke up, I felt empowered.”
Under Construction is out Feb. 8 through Simon & Schuster’s Gallery Books for anyone who wants to learn more about Stause’s life, career, and relationships.
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