According to recent data by Hily Dating App, 2 in 5 Gen Z women and 1 in 3 men feel their dates aren’t “good enough.” Additionally, 1 in 4 Gen Zers believe that not going on “high-profile” dates reduces their social attractiveness. Apparently, that matters today.
Unfortunately, it seems many daters are prioritizing luxurious, Instagram-worthy dates over genuine connections. And so, these daters focus more on impressing their matches than actually getting to know them. Or, as Hily Dating App calls it, datefishing.
According to Hily Dating App relationship expert Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PhD, and Harvard-trained clinical psychologist, datefishing is “planning a date focused on impressing instead of choosing an activity that genuinely reflects who you are, which leads to false impressions.”
For example, maybe you book reservations at an expensive, fancy restaurant, trying to appear wealthier than you are. While the intention might be innocent, as Romanoff puts it, datefishing leads to “missing the point of connecting and getting to know each other’s true selves.”
“This mismatch in priorities leads to feelings of inauthenticity and disconnection, because the plan doesn’t reflect the real interests of the people on the date,” she explains. “Early dates should be about getting to know the other person, determining compatibility, and exploring shared values, and the environment should support that, not overshadow it.”
Wondering whether you’re being datefished? Here are three tell-tale signs of datefishing.
1. The Effort Is Clearly For the ‘Gram
If you feel your date is putting more effort into impressing you than into actually getting to know you, that’s a clear sign they’re in it for the wrong reasons. Sure, maybe the restaurant they chose is visually appealing with divine cuisine, but are they even paying attention or asking you questions? Or are they just snapping photos of the scenery to boast on Instagram?
“The spot is ultra‑aesthetic but terrible for real conversation (too loud, too crowded, too performative),” Romanoff explains. “Instead, dates should happen in places where both people can feel disarmed and at ease, because people remember the connection and chemistry, not the price tag or how intricate the itinerary was.”
2. They Don’t Match the Person You Chatted With
Odds are, if you said yes to a date with this person, they put up a pretty solid front. The datefisher might appear kind and present when chatting over the phone, but in real life, they’re more concerned with surface-level appearances.
“Their vibe on the date (fancy, flashy, extroverted) doesn’t match how they presented themselves in chat,” Romanoff says of the datefisher. “A good date should reflect who the person actually is and how they actually live. It doesn’t need to be ‘gym and groceries’ real, but it should feel true to their favorite places and hobbies.”
3. You Learn More About the Venue Than the Person
If your dating app match talks more about the date itself than actually being present during it, they likely are just trying to woo you. If you leave knowing more about the venue or restaurant you visited than with the actual person who took you there, you likely spent the evening with a datefisher.
“You can describe the location in detail, but not their values, stories, or what they truly care about,” says Romanoff. “At the end of the day, the context of the date is secondary to the people on it.”
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