Coffee is already expensive enough as it is. But Dubai, in its relentless pursuit of gaudy, tasteless tackiness, has somehow turned the mostly utilitarian drink you use to wake your sleepy ass up in the morning into a ludicrously expensive extravagance.
CBS News reports that Julith Café, an (of course) upscale coffee shop tucked away within an industrial district, is now selling a $980 brew made from ultra-rare Panamanian “Nido 7 Geisha” beans.
Co-founder and barista-in-chief Serkan Sağsöz announced the arrival of the beans with the kind of fanfare usually reserved for royal decrees. And to be fair, the beans cost him more money than any of us will ever make in our lifetimes: roughly $600,000 for 20 kilograms after a bidding war in Panama. The café says it paid the highest price ever recorded for coffee, which is absolutely not something anyone should be proud of or should even tell anyone. That price tracks, considering they’re serving only about 400 cups of the stuff while reserving a little bit for Dubai’s ruling family.
For nearly a thousand bucks, drinkers can expect a brew described as floral, fruity, and delicate, with notes of jasmine, bergamot, apricot, peach, and honey. Basically, it sounds like they’re describing a kind of ambrosia, a nectar of the gods, but one that will make you want to shit within an hour of drinking it.
We live in the age of tone deaf opulence. As prices skyrocket and the US economy feels like it’s on the brink of collapse for the 80th time in a millennial’s life, the rich prove that they are so disconnected from the rest of us that they probably aren’t even of the same species. Donald Trump is building a gold-plated ballroom, and Dubai’s oil baron overlords are sipping $1,000 cups of coffee as, according to US labor data, roasted coffee prices jumped nearly 19 percent year-over-year, with a pound of coffee costing a record $9.14 in December, which is more than double 2019’s already inflated price.
While Dubai’s elite sip their jasmine-kissed liquid gold, the average American is left paying more for the privilege of staying awake so we can work our fingers to the bone at our jobs to ensure that our wealthy ruling class remains wealthier and more out of touch than ever.
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