I remember when my ex and I broke up after months of him sidelining me like a supporting character in his life. When I finally pulled the plug on our connection, he just couldn’t seem to fully let go. Sure, he didn’t want to commit to me anymore, but he also didn’t want to lose me entirely—so much so that I practically had to beg for him to return my apartment key.
Anyway, that’s besides the point.
In some strange attempt to keep the metaphorical door open, he left a ton of random crap at my place. T-shirts, hoodies, art supplies, self-help books…you know, all those painful reminders of the person I once loved so deeply.
Just a mere week after our breakup, I packed everything into a box and taped it shut so I didn’t have to look at it any longer. Still, he insisted he didn’t need any of it—that I should keep it, at least for now.
If you had told me years ago that I could have exchanged his shit for a bunch of free spiked ciders, I wouldn’t have hesitated. But that was then, and this is now…and unfortunately for past-me, I ended up giving in to seeing him “one last time” so we could exchange our things (and our post-breakup woes).
Do you have a pile of your ex’s abandoned shit that they just conveniently left at your place? Don’t let it sit there and mock you this Valentine’s Day. Or worse: don’t be like me and let your ex use it as an excuse to see you.
Instead, exchange it for some free booze.
Angry Orchard’s Valentine’s Day Ex‑Change Program
Wondering how you can get cash in on Angry Orchard’s ex-change program? It’s actually quite simple.
“If your ex left their stuff at your place months ago—maybe even years ago—and never came back for it, it’s time for an upgrade,” Angry Orchard’s press release states. “Starting Feb. 2, fans can visit angryorchardexchange.com to register for a free Angry Orchard Ex-Change Kit, complete with packaging materials and a prepaid shipping label.”
All you have to do is pack a box with your ex’s belongings (think: old, musty T-shirts, pretentious self-help books they swore changed their life, a dusty vinyl by that underground band they deem is “real music” yet couldn’t be bothered to pick up post-breakup) and send them on their way to the Angry Orchard Cider House.
“Once Angry Orchard receives your ex’s abandoned stuff, the team will send you cash to put toward a case of cider,” the company reports in its press release. “Your ex’s baggage becomes your fresh start and a fully stocked fridge. All items will be sorted and donated, so nothing goes to waste… except the relationship itself.”
I mean, that sounds like a pretty fair trade-off, if you ask me. Then again, anything is better than keeping your ex’s items like tokens of your broken relationship. Just in time for Valentine’s Day, this “ex-change program” will reward your broken heart.
“Valentine’s Day has a way of stirring up plenty of frustrations, and at Angry Orchard, we love helping our drinkers find the fun in all of it,” said Matt Withington, senior director of marketing at Angry Orchard. “The Ex-Change program lets our fans turn their breakup baggage into something they actually want: a fridge stocked with cider.”
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