Dear Miss Manners: I have hired a cleaning woman, and she needs money to save for a newer automobile. She has no family in town, so I’m thinking about asking her to work on Thanksgiving by serving us and cleaning up at the family dinner.
She has opened up to me about very private details of her life, so I feel like I know her on a more personal level. How do I treat her at the dinner? I’m not sure the family would like to have a stranger at the table, and I would feel a bit guilty having her sit by herself to eat elsewhere at Thanksgiving.
How do I help her by providing employment without making her feel somehow inferior or lonely?
By giving her extra pay for working on a holiday.
Perhaps you will think it callous of Miss Manners not to invoke the Thanksgiving legend of welcoming all to share in the bounty. But it is not only your relatives who would feel awkward if you were to turn her into some hybrid of server and guest.
Is she to jump up between courses and wait on her fellow diners (who will undoubtedly jump up to help)? Is she to sit in silence while family matters are discussed — or will the family be inhibited from doing so?
Many people work on holidays, or society would come to a standstill. You seem to consider it pitiful, but in some cases, it is heroic. And lots of people have delayed Thanksgiving celebrations, or just skip the ritual.
Your cleaning woman has the option of accepting or rejecting the extra work when she weighs the prospect of the job against the satisfaction of adding to her car fund.
Dear Miss Manners: My sister loves socks and only buys expensive ones. I was visiting her recently, and a favorite pair (gray wool embroidered with red raspberries and green leaves) went missing. She accused me of taking them. I told her I certainly did not.
When I was leaving and she was embracing me goodbye, she whispered, “I know you took my socks. There was nobody here but me and you, and they vanished.” I assured her again I did not take her socks. I do not even wear socks, myself.
Since then, she has posted online, “joking” that I had stolen her socks but would not admit it. I have been humiliated.
Should I deny her accusation online? Should I speak to her pastor? Finally, what does happen to missing socks?
Everyone knows that washing machines and dryers eat socks, although rarely in pairs. The minute you leave the laundry area, the appliances are gurgling with laughter as they envision you left holding a mateless sock.
So it is not only unjust but unamusing to accuse other people of such a ridiculous crime (or any other).
You could ignore the post, safe in the knowledge that no one will really believe you to be a petty thief. But if it bothers you, you could continue the supposed joke. Miss Manners suggests, “Dahlia, dear, look in your dryer.” And, if you want to be mean, “ … and at your feet.”
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
© 2025 Judith Martin
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