Neither of my parents made it to retirement, and because of that, I think I’ve had a difficult time thinking about my own.
My mother passed away in her mid-20s when I was still an infant. I grew up so aware of how young she was when she passed that I was always very intentional about how I spent my time, even as a child.
Then, in my 20s, my father passed away at age 55. He was just about to retire that year and had plans to spend most of his time traveling to his favorite places, particularly Italy.
Growing up, I watched him wait to do more of what he loved. The fact that he never had the chance to has made me determined to travel, prioritize time with family, and pursue work that excites me now — even if it means neglecting to save for my retirement in the process.
My husband, on the other hand, has been saving for retirement since the day he had to start working in high school.
Our different attitudes might make us sound like a mismatch — but instead, I think we’ve taught each other a lot.
My husband and I have very different approaches to saving money
Many Americans retire in their mid-to-late 60s, when they can enjoy benefits like Medicare, but my husband has always wanted to follow in his parents’ footsteps and retire in his early 50s.
To work toward this goal, he’s always put the maximum amount possible into his retirement accounts, and he’s careful about saving as much money as he can.
At 40, he knows he doesn’t want to be a full-time teacher for much longer. He has a lot of dreams for how his retirement will look: He might switch to a part-time job in a field he’s passionate about, maybe something in our county’s parks and recreation department.
We’ve also discussed opening a small café together — something we’ve always dreamed of doing. These kinds of pursuits could provide us with some extra income while helping us stay connected to our community.
I know my husband is looking forward to this next chapter, but even an early retirement would be a decade away. In the meantime, I don’t want my husband to wait to enjoy small luxuries, like fun trips and nice meals out, because he’s so focused on saving for a future we aren’t promised.
Though I appreciate that he tries to save so much, I’ve shown him how nice it is to spend — taking that extra vacation, eating out a little more often, or even splurging on some of my favorite groceries. All of these are experiences that he now believes are worth the money.
To me, being able to improve the quality of our lives with these small luxuries now outweighs any concerns about not saving enough for retirement.
I’ve taught my husband to live in the moment, and he’s helped me plan for the future
I’ve always been cautious of saying I’ll do something “one day,” because I am afraid of not making it to that day.
I want to seize the moment, whereas my husband is steadfastly thinking of the future — but I think our differing values help us balance each other out.
My husband’s responsibility has always been an attractive quality to me. His plans for the future make me feel safe, because I do sometimes worry about not having anything saved up myself.
Due to my husband’s financial foresight, it feels likely we’ll both be able to retire early in our 50s, even without me having my own retirement savings.
As grateful as I am for this, I like to think I’ve helped him, too, by inspiring him to live in the moment.
I’m still living in the now, but because of my husband, I’m also starting to believe in a future that has a retirement.
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