Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Send in the Clowns
On Monday, the Trump administration announced that it would send another 1,000 federal immigration agents to Minnesota in the wake of Renee Good’s death. This news came just as the state joined Illinois in filing federal lawsuits claiming that the mass deployment of immigration officers to the Minneapolis and Chicago regions violated the Constitution.
“So he’s clearly invading Minnesota,” Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday.
“Has anyone told him that they don’t have oil? Because the best he’s going to get is 50 million barrels of cream of mushroom soup.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“And now, the North Star State is joining up with Illinois to sue the Trump administration over their ICE deployments, saying they violated state sovereignty under the 10th amendment. I believe the 10th amendment is the one that says if you use the first nine amendments, you get a free sub.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Trump heard about these lawsuits and went completely nut-nut, posting a long rant starting with: ‘[imitating Trump] Do the people of Minnesota really want to live in a community in which there are thousands of already convicted murderers, drug dealers and addicts?’ How dare you, sir. It’s called the Mall of America.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“What could be more dangerous than a murderer-rapist escaped from an insane asylum? Godzilla?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Does anyone else miss the days when the president didn’t sound like the Undertaker at WrestleMania? I mean, seriously, would someone get this hyperglycemic 5-year-old a fidget spinner? He needs something to do with his hands.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“He then doubled down on his ICE surge, ending: ‘[imitating Trump] Fear not, great people of Minnesota, the day of reckoning and retribution is coming!’ Kind of a weird tonal shift to start with ‘fear not,’ and end with ‘day of reckoning and retribution.’: ‘Hey, everybody. let’s chill and put a smile on that face. a thousand-year storm of blood is nigh.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Monkey Business Edition)
“Do you understand what’s going on? The hyper-intelligent machines are helping the hyper-intelligent monkeys escape human justice, which can only lead to one thing: my screenplay for Paramount’s next blockbuster ‘Ter-monkinator 2: Judgment Ape.’ David Ellison, call me.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on speculation that videos of monkeys on the loose in St. Louis were possibly A.I.
“This afternoon, the Department of Health announced that they have ceased their search for the monkeys, which means either the animals are still out there somewhere and they gave up, or they’re dead and they don’t want to say it — or they never existed at all, like some kind of monkey version of ‘The Sixth Sense.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I, for one, do not want to live in a world where I can’t believe in monkeys. Hit it! [sings] Then I saw those apes, now I’m a believer. Without a trace of monkey A.I.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“By the way, I think all press conferences should include the phrase ‘Are we 100 percent sure the monkeys are real?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Bits Worth Watching
Ben Affleck, Matt Damon and Jimmy Fallon were just three guys from Boston on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
Alan Cumming will tease a new season of “The Traitors” on Wednesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”
Also, Check This Out
After leaving late night, The Kid Mero has taken over the marquee a.m. slot on New York’s storied hip-hop station Hot 97.
The post Stephen Colbert Accuses Trump of ‘Invading Minnesota’ appeared first on New York Times.
