Getting ghosted. Being fired. Losing a parent.
When difficult things happen, our first instinct is often to seek answers. Why did this happen? How could this be? What will it take to feel better again?
In short, we seek closure — and the more satisfying it is, the better.
Experts say that closure may help some people heal. A resolution can make it easier to “transcend that particular event and move on to other things,” said Arie W. Kruglanski, a professor of psychology at the University of Maryland.
But is closure always necessary? And is it always possible? Dr. Kruglanski and other experts say the concept can be both useful and detrimental.
What is closure?
Psychologists use the term “closure” to describe the feeling of having finished something or come to a conclusion.
“It’s a psychological mechanism that tells you: I have enough information — now I can form a decision,” Dr. Kruglanski said.
But, he added, not everyone has the same need for such certainty. Decades ago, he developed a scale for assessing the “need for cognitive closure.” It asks people to what extent they agree with statements such as: “I like to have friends who are unpredictable” or “I hate to change my plans at the last minute.”
His research revealed that people who had a higher need for closure tended to make decisions quickly and had strong opinions. They were also more likely to value order and dislike ambiguity. While this can help people form commitments, it can also result in closed-mindedness.
He also found that those with less need for closure had more trouble making decisions but could better tolerate ambiguity and were more likely to be open-minded.
Research suggests that circumstances and life history can make us crave closure more than we normally would. Someone who grew up with abusive parents, for example, might fear the unknown because they had negative experiences with uncertain situations in their childhood, Dr. Kruglanski said.
People might also seek closure when they lack confidence in the future, when they are in a time crunch or when they feel exhausted.
Is closure a good thing?
It can be.
Seeking closure can help people arrive at decisions and make sense of difficult circumstances.
Dan P. McAdams, a professor of psychology at Northwestern University, studies how people tell their own life stories and how those narratives create meaning for them. His research of people in midlife has found that those who are flourishing are more likely to tell redemptive stories about negative events from their past — a form of closure — than those who are struggling.
For example, rather than ruminating over a difficult divorce, they might instead embrace the narrative that leaving their ex allowed them to find someone who was a better match.
But sometimes there is no happy ending or useful answer.
Nancy Berns, a professor of sociology at Drake University and the author of “Closure: The Rush to End Grief and What It Costs Us,” knows this intimately.
After her first child was stillborn, she received a sympathy card that said “Someday, this will just be a memory.” She found little comfort in the message.
“My reaction was that I don’t want it to be just a memory,” she said. “This is still my child.”
The idea of closure can appeal to us with the promise of ending our pain, she said. But, in her view, we need space for both joy and grief because they are sometimes intertwined.
Can you ever really get closure?
Sometimes.
Say you are waiting for an important test result, and your doctor calls to tell you that you that you no longer need to worry: You don’t have cancer. You now have closure.
But life rarely offers such simple resolutions.
In the case of ambiguous loss, for example, a family member with dementia, addiction or a traumatic brain injury might be physically present but psychologically absent, which brings feelings of grief but no clear ways to attain closure. Alternatively, a family might be coping with the death of a relative whose body was never found, complicating the mourning process.
And sometimes the closure we seek does not have the intended effect. For instance, you might long for answers from a person who refuses to talk to you. Then, when they finally agree to offer an explanation, it causes further pain.
“Closure does not necessarily feel good,” Dr. Kruglanski said.
A satisfying resolution isn’t tied to what someone else does or says; it depends on whether you accept the information you’ve learned and also trust the source of that information, he added. Only then is it truly closure.
For psychologists like Dr. McAdams, the word “closure” feels too limiting. While coming to a decision or reaching a conclusion can be helpful, “closure” often implies a finality that may not be realistic.
He suggested thinking about closure as a temporary resolution rather than something permanent.
“Life changes, and sometimes you revisit issues that you thought were resolved,” he said. “I think there’s got to be a certain kind of openness, even as you get older.”
Christina Caron is a Times reporter covering mental health.
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