Self-care has a branding problem.
Somewhere along the way, it became a candle, a face mask, a bath bomb, and a glass of wine that costs more than your hourly rate. And don’t get me wrong, I love anything that makes life feel softer. But if self-care only counts when it looks cute on a story, we’re all doomed.
Real self-care usually looks…annoying.
It’s doing the thing you don’t feel like doing because you know it will make Future You proud. It’s turning your phone off even while your brain argues that something important might happen without you. It’s sitting down to eat real food instead of grazing out of habit. It’s saying no plainly, without padding it with explanations you don’t owe anyone.
I’ve learned this most clearly on days when I’m already running on fumes. Travel days are a perfect example. Airports turn me into a feral little creature. Crowds, lines, security, turbulence, all of it makes my nervous system feel like it’s doing CrossFit. On those days, self-care isn’t a treat. It’s triage. Now is the time to drink water, wear comfy clothes, take a bathroom break before it’s an emergency, and open up the meditation app. Stop pretending you can “power through” like a robot.
The funny thing is, the kind of self-care that actually changes your life is the stuff nobody claps for. It’s boring, unsexy, and wildly effective.
When I say Self-Care, Here’s what I mean:
- Boundary self-care: Stop answering people who only show up when they want something. Don’t take the call when you’re already at capacity. Let someone be mildly disappointed so you don’t end up fully burned out.
- Body self-care: Treat sleep like an absolute non-negotiable. The CDC reports that one in three adults doesn’t get enough sleep, which explains why so many people feel permanently exhausted. Move your body every day because it’s a privilege, not a punishment. Feed yourself like you’re someone you’re responsible for.
- Mind self-care: Stop scrolling when you notice you’re doing it to avoid your own thoughts. Write the list down instead of keeping it all in your head like a haunted house.
- Life-admin self-care: Book the appointment. Refill the prescription. Pay the bill. Do the tedious thing now so it doesn’t stalk you later.
Sometimes, self-care is also letting yourself want what you want without talking yourself out of it. I’ve felt that in big life choices, too. Choosing a slower, simpler rhythm in a place that makes you feel more like yourself can be self-care on a massive scale, not because it’s glamorous, but because it’s honest.
So yes, take the bubble bath. Light the candle. Buy the fancy lotion. Then do the less aesthetic thing: make your life easier to live in.
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