DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together 23 years, married for almost nine. We are in our 60s. It’s the second marriage for both of us. I retired due to having to move to another state for his job. I make friends wherever I go and get involved in community activities.
My husband has no friends. Seriously. ZERO! He goes to work and comes home. Over the years, he has accused me of wanting relationships with my male friends (whose wives are also my friends) and tells me I should just go on and be happy with the other man. Neither my friends nor I have ever done anything to spark his pathological jealousy.
Currently, I am on a nonprofit board of directors and must communicate often with the male president. He has become the new target. Counseling is out of the question because psychiatry is my husband’s specialty. Also, he seems to think he is always right about everything. He has never issued an apology as long as I’ve known him.
I do not respond to his tirades because it’s pointless, but I’m sick and tired of his behavior and thought process. I understand the “why” to this behavior (his heritage and environment), but that doesn’t give him carte blanche to use it as an excuse. Any suggestions for moving forward? — WEARY IN FLORIDA
DEAR WEARY: From what you have written, your antisocial husband is a bottomless vessel of insecurity. If you haven’t been able to assuage it in all these years, I doubt you ever will. Many psychotherapists use mental health professionals themselves. But unless your husband is willing to admit that perhaps he, and not you, is the problem and seeks help, nothing will change. Frankly, I am surprised your marriage has lasted this long. Is this how you want to live the rest of your life? Answering that question is the way to move forward.
DEAR ABBY: I work from home a few days a week and live a block from the local middle school. Recently, I’ve broken up a group of kids in my yard hitting and fighting with each other. I don’t know these kids, have no children in school and realize this is an ongoing issue. I’m not certain how to handle it.
I could ignore it, but I’m afraid not only that one of the kids will get hurt, but also that a parent would be upset that this happened on my property. I could report it to the police, but that may be overkill. I could also try reaching out to the school, but without any information on who these kids are, I’m not sure that would be much help either. Any ideas? — WITNESS IN OHIO
DEAR WITNESS: I do have a suggestion. You have already spoken to the children involved in these altercations. You are correct that there could be liability if one or more of them are injured on your property. Contact the principal of the middle school and explain what has been going on. Once that’s done, call or visit the police department and report that your yard is being turned into a battleground. If you do, the next time something starts happening and you call the police, they may respond quickly.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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