I don’t know about you, but I’m the type of texter who either sends five messages in a row or doesn’t respond for ten days straight. (I know, I know…I’m working on it, as requested by my friends.)
When it comes to chatting with dating app matches, however, the bar is a bit higher in this arena. In fact, your first impression relies heavily on your messaging habits and your ability to communicate.
The latest Hily Dating App survey explored the many messaging preferences of American Millennials and Gen Z. Here are five pre-first-date texting tips that might just improve your dating life.
1. Respond As Soon As You Can
Today’s daters expect timely replies, which doesn’t shock me, considering how chronically online some people are. Nearly half of Gen Z and Millennial singles want responses within 15 minutes, and many even prefer instant responses.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should spend all day checking your phone so you don’t miss the latest text from your recent match. Realistically, this data just encourages you to forgo the whole “make them wait” advice and respond when you see the text/have the time.
2. Respect Pacing Differences
According to the survey, 32% of young women prefer chatting for more than a week before meeting up, while 28% of men are ready after just a few days. This makes sense to me, as women are typically the ones who have to fear for their safety and would rather vet their date before meeting in person.
The best thing you can do in this situation is to respect someone else’s boundaries when it comes to meeting-up timelines. That doesn’t mean you have to wait weeks to schedule a date—you have every right to walk away from someone who doesn’t match your pace. However, don’t be pushy either. Merely state your preferences and find someone who naturally matches them or is willing to compromise.
3. Build Trust Through Messaging
Going off the point above, messaging with your match can build a sense of safety before meeting in person. In fact, 86% of women and 76% of men find longer messaging helps them feel safer before meeting offline. As someone notorious for having pre-date anxiety, I’d recommend taking it a step further to schedule a FaceTime call before an in-person date, as this often gives you a better feel of the person.
4. Avoid Burnout from Prolonged Messaging
While this might seem counterintuitive to the points above, there is a sweet spot for messaging timelines. I mean, you don’t want to turn your dating app match into a pen pal. (Been there, done that.) Many daters agree with this sentiment, with 43% of men and 26% of women feeling “drained” by the prolonged and consistent texting before meeting.
Your best bet is to message for a few days, discuss potential meeting options for the upcoming few weeks, and voice any reservations you might have in advance. For example, if you need more time to build a rapport, don’t be afraid to request that. If you’d prefer to chat over the phone first, make that known. Their reaction to these proposals will tell you whether they respect your boundaries and feelings.
5. Don’t Under- or Over-Text
I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: there is a sweet spot when it comes to texting your dating app match. In fact, 62% of women and 49% of men have ghosted over low communication, while 30% of women and 17% of men have ghosted for over-texting. Find your happy medium, and trust you’ll attract someone who shares a similar texting habit as you.
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