At the end of every year, I like to reflect by asking myself a question. This year, I’m mulling one recommended by Kandi Wiens, the author of “Burnout Immunity.”
Dr. Wiens told me to ask myself, What is worth remembering from 2025?
Not a list of milestones, she said, but the “real stuff” that gave the year meaning. “It’s the conversation that shifted something, the quiet moment that surprised you, the hard thing that turned out to matter, the small thing that was bigger than it looked,” she explained.
Here is a “small thing” that was bigger than it looked for me: Every two weeks, my mom has a doctor’s appointment that takes a few hours. My dad drops her off and comes over, and we have lunch together.
During that time, I have been getting to know my father in a way that I never did as a kid. I try new recipes on him — sausage and barley soup was a massive hit — and we chat about ordinary stuff. Sometimes he’ll weigh in on a column I’m writing, or he’ll bring his toolbox to tighten a loose doorknob.
Our visits have become a ritual — and they have made my year better.
Now it’s your turn. I asked experts for other reflective questions that could provide a framework for thinking about the year ahead. Pick one or two that resonate, journal about them or discuss them with a friend.
When did you feel the most joyful and carefree?
Valerie Tiberius, a professor of philosophy at the University of Minnesota, suggested asking yourself when you felt truly happy this year. Doing so, she said, can help you figure out how to spend your time going forward. Was it with specific people, or in a place that you love?
“For me, it was when I’ve been in nature, like the north shore of Lake Superior,” she said.
What gave you energy — and what drained it?
A year is not only about what happened to you, but also about how you responded to what happened, said Deepika Chopra, a clinical psychologist and the author of the upcoming book, “The Power of Real Optimism.”
“Two people can live through the same event and come away very differently,” she said. So figuring out what nourished and drained you can help you plan for more positive energy in the year ahead.
Dr. Chopra’s energy givers were seeing live music, starting a mahjong club, reading for pleasure and having “deep, meaningful conversations with people I trust,” she said.
What seemed impossible — but you did it anyway?
Reflecting on past challenges, Dr. Chopra said, gives you evidence of your own resilience, while also strengthening self-efficacy, the belief that you can handle future obstacles. And research suggests that this belief is a powerful predictor of confidence, motivation and optimism, she added.
Self-efficacy “is built through evidence, not affirmations,” Dr. Chopra said. “I’ve seen this in my own life during periods that felt genuinely uncertain, where the path forward wasn’t clear,” she added. “What carried me wasn’t positivity, but remembering past moments where I adapted, learned and recovered.”
What habit, if you did it more consistently, would have a positive effect on your life?
Sometimes, as a new year approaches, “we focus on doing new things but forget that we are likely doing good things right now, but inconsistently,” said Anil Chacko, chair of the department of applied psychology at N.Y.U. Steinhardt. Some examples, he said, would be trying to put your phone away when you come home from work and keeping in regular touch with friends.
One habit that Dr. Chacko and his wife plan to make more consistent in 2026, he said, is “to take a walk after dinner, which is supposed to be helpful for regulating blood sugar levels and improving digestion.”
What did you try to control that was actually outside your control?
One of the “fastest ways to reduce your mental load,” said Dr. Chopra, is to let go of things that you can’t hope to control. A classic example? Other people’s reactions, she said.
“You can prepare thoughtfully, communicate clearly and act with integrity, but you cannot control how someone interprets or responds,” she said. Think of something you were unable to control this year, she said — and then let it go.
Is there anyone you need to forgive in 2026?
Hanging on to anger and resentment can take mental and emotional energy, said Anthony Chambers, a psychologist and the chief academic officer of the Family Institute at Northwestern University. Deciding to forgive, he added, doesn’t mean forgetting.
Instead, it’s a “choice to stop letting a past action control our present emotions,” he said, and it can be good for your mental health. To help his patients get started, Dr. Chambers frequently recommends the book “Forgiveness Is a Choice,” by Robert Enright.
“Forgiveness allows you to move forward feeling freer and fulfilled instead of filled with bitterness,” Dr. Chambers said. “And what better way to bring in 2026 than to have a sense of freedom?”
And here’s one final question my father suggested for me during a recent lunch: How often did I call him in 2025, and how could I do it even more next year? (A little dad humor for you.)
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Let’s keep the conversation going. Follow Well on Instagram, or write to us at [email protected]. And check out last week’s newsletter about small gestures that can help someone who is grieving.
Jancee Dunn, who writes the weekly Well newsletter for The Times, has covered health and science for more than 20 years.
The post 7 Questions to Ask Yourself for a Happier New Year appeared first on New York Times.
