This is the first Christmas without Brendan Costello sitting there sipping a bourbon or a beer and cracking wise about holiday rituals, while at the same time embodying its spirit of good will. But now he is gone, his absence like a decorated tree missing its glowing star.
That is one way of looking at the death of Brendan, and while not wrong, it is, perhaps, incomplete. The man may not be drinking bourbon anymore, but he is still here, thanks to a singular moment of grace.
Because of Brendan, a psychiatrist he never met is continuing to help hundreds of others navigate life’s jagged shoals. His sister and only sibling is finally heeding his encouragement to write; two plays already. And his family felt the power of every word to the Tom Waits song “Time” as they sang it on Thanksgiving to their absent Bren:
And it’s time time time And it’s time time time And it’s time time time That you love And it’s time time time
Brendan was a New York City writer and teacher, jazz aficionado and disability-rights advocate who happened to use a wheelchair after a catastrophic encounter with a D train. But he refused assistance or pity. He was a force.
In January, Brendan suffered cardiac arrest and lapsed into a coma, a tragic culmination of months of surgeries and rehabilitation to stabilize his injured spine. Informed that her 55-year-old brother would never regain consciousness, Darlene Costello made the heartbreaking decision to have him removed from his ventilator — only to learn, seconds before it was time, that Brendan was a registered organ donor.
Once Ms. Costello calmed down — why wasn’t this known before? — she came to embrace the news of her brother’s final selfless act. She also knew someone who desperately needed a kidney. Calls were made, tests done, overwhelming odds overcome.
A few days later, dozens of relatives, friends and staff members formed an honor guard on the seventh floor of Mount Sinai Morningside hospital as a bed on wheels carried Brendan to the operating room for the fulfillment of his final wish.
His lungs went to a woman in Tennessee, his right kidney to a man in Pennsylvania. And his left kidney was received by Ms. Costello’s mentor and employer, Dr. Sylvio Burcescu, 62, whose ability to run his Westchester County clinic had been hampered by a rare kidney disease requiring dialysis.
Nearly a year later, life remains both sad and beautiful.
“It’s going through the firsts without him,” his cousin Maryanne Canavan said. The first St. Patrick’s Day, the first Thanksgiving, the first Bastille Day — July 14, his birthday.
Ms. Costello continues to miss the one person who truly got her: who shared her difficult childhood and understood her dark, absurdist humor. But through her mourning, she found her writer’s voice. Two short plays of hers — “Woke Pope” and “Sundowners” — were recently staged at the Newburgh Fringe Festival in New York.
“It’s being pushed away from the bean-counting of life by grief,” Ms. Costello said. “There’s something about using your brain creatively that really elevates being alive.”
And then there is Dr. Burcescu. Aside from taking medication to suppress his immune system, he is back to his normal self, eating, drinking, exercising and treating hundreds of patients at his clinic.
“Night and day,” he said.
He struggles with the reality of never being able to thank the person who gave him such a life-altering gift. But he finds solace in imagining how Brendan would appreciate the hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people who will receive his care: people struggling with substance abuse, alcoholism, suicidal thoughts.
Dr. Burcescu has also found a deep connection with Brendan’s relatives, especially his sister. “In a way, I feel related to her,” he said.
Born in Romania, the doctor jokes that he now feels kind of Irish. Photographs of Brendan are displayed in his house. A few months ago, he treated Ms. Costello and other relatives of Brendan to dinner, where they talked about — who else? A man who, among other things, would cringe at the notion of Christmas miracles.
Dan Barry is a longtime reporter and columnist, having written both the “This Land” and “About New York” columns. The author of several books, he writes on myriad topics, including New York City, sports, culture and the nation.
The post A Man Who Shunned Cheap Sentiment Left a Gift for Others: Life appeared first on New York Times.
