“I don’t want to go back,” said Katie, my best friend of 20 years, from across a café table in Cape Town. A tear slid down her cheek.
We were two single women traveling 8,000 miles from our respective homes — hers a one-bedroom apartment in New York City, and mine a two-story house in Charleston, South Carolina.
It was the last day of a two-week girls’ trip and the longest stretch we’d spent together since college.
Now, the reality of returning to a life that would rip us apart again was setting in, and our hearts were breaking simultaneously.
By the last day of this trip, we were not only “us” again, but I was me — the girl free to live any life she wanted. She felt safe breaking the rules and pushing the limits because she knew she had her best friend by her side.
I felt invincible again. So, why did it have to end? Sitting in that sunny café, we decided it didn’t.
Our relationship was friendship at first sight
Saying that Katie and I “met” in college feels like a gross understatement. Both in need of a roommate, we were set up by mutual friends who swore we were the perfect fit. They were right.
We became inseparable from the second we stepped into our tiny dorm room as freshmen, and for the next four years, we were a package deal: Liz and Katie. Katie and Liz.
Somehow, we balanced each other perfectly. I was the short blonde, always a bit too eager to break the rules. Katie was the tall brunette who was more methodical when it came to pushing the limits.
Together, we proved to be unstoppable, and our adventures were endless.
After graduation, we made our way to Manhattan. Eventually, I was living with a boyfriend in a cramped but happy studio apartment, and Katie lived across town.
On my 28th birthday, my partner surprised me with a proposal. Blindsided yet in love, I said yes.
Two years ago, I divorced a life that wasn’t mine
For six years, I did what a “good” wife does: holidays with my husband, trips with my husband.
I even moved states with him, leaving Katie for a house in a small town. It was his dream, not mine.
Some say marriage is like two becoming one, but for me, I was torn into pieces. Not only did I lose myself prioritizing someone else’s needs over my own, but I lost my female friendships.
Through the years, I canceled countless plans and declined dozens of invitations for girls’ trips. As a result, Katie and I became distant. Soon, she had a serious boyfriend I’d never met and new friends who didn’t even know my name.
That’s when I began restlessly circling through a cookie-cutter neighborhood I hated, avoiding my home and husband, in what felt like total darkness. Finally, I decided not to return to either.
My husband and I separated, and I spent the end of my 30s in therapy to learn how to honor my own needs. It was not quick, but eventually, I became a friend to myself — and, in turn, the friend I felt Katie deserved.
Standing on my own two feet in the life I wanted, I called my best friend from six states away to say the words that I’d wanted to for so long: “How about we take a girls’ trip?”
I learned we’re stronger together
Six months later, Katie and I flew to South Africa.
We adventured on safari and up Table Mountain. We sipped wine in vineyards and sat on beautiful beaches.
After two weeks together, it felt as if two decades of friendship had been renewed in ways we never could have imagined.
I realized that somewhere along the way, I’d fallen for the idea that success for a woman is finding someone to marry. Katie had too, likening being unmarried to failure.
It took a divorce for me to realize I already had a partner for life. We could choose to be single and still be supported.
Instead of returning to separate homes, Katie and I hatched a plan to be roommates again. Twenty years after moving into that tiny dorm room, we upgraded to a three-bedroom house big enough to hold all the lessons we’d gathered in the decades between.
Living together, we don’t have to wait to take on adventures anymore. Somehow, it feels like they find us around every corner, whether it’s an unexpected connection, a new love interest, or simply a chance to laugh.
The world is ours again: Liz and Katie. Katie and Liz.
Read the original article on Business Insider
The post After years of losing myself and my female friendships, I got divorced. Now, I’ve built a life I love with my best friend. appeared first on Business Insider.
