I left the classroom a couple of years ago. I told myself it was for good, but my husband made me promise him that I was really done. In return, I asked him not to let me go back if I ever tried to again.
Deep down, I can still sense my love of teaching, and since my husband knows me well, these are promises I know we’ll both keep.
I knew my professional teaching certificate was going to expire this summer, and I went back and forth about whether or not I should go to the trouble of renewing it. In an extreme act of setting boundaries, I decided to let it go — on purpose. I was worried I would regret it, but now I’m glad I let it expire.
I felt a huge sigh of relief when my teaching certificate was no longer active
I had no realistic intentions of returning to the classroom, but it was difficult to think about how much work I had put into obtaining my professional teaching certificate. But every time I considered going through the steps to keep my license up to date, it didn’t make sense.
I have no intention of teaching again, so spending my time and money to keep my license felt like holding onto something that wasn’t right for me anymore.
My push out of the classroom came unwillingly, as my health was deteriorating, making it increasingly difficult for me to do my job. I even took a few months off toward the end to focus on my health before returning to the classroom, but it ended up the same way. As soon as I went back to work, my symptoms flared back up, and I couldn’t finish the school year again.
I had to accept that I couldn’t physically do my job
Shortly after I left teaching for good, I finally got my endometriosis diagnosis. I had an answer as to why I had been getting increasingly sick over the last five years. Unfortunately, I didn’t receive care before the disease changed my career route. The majority of my time now is spent managing my symptoms and doing my best to regain a lot of physical function after two major surgeries in the last two years.
I thought I was content with my decision, but then one of my friends mentioned she was taking a recertification course to meet her own career licensing requirements. I doubted my decision for a moment. I even consulted some old Reddit posts to see what other people in my position had done and if they regretted letting their own certificates expire. The advice seemed to be a mixed bag.
I had to remind myself why I was making this decision
I wanted that temptation removed. I needed to keep myself from moving backward so I could figure out what’s next. In a very real way, I am still grieving my old self, before my endometriosis progressed. I miss being able to do something like teach all day, and every time I miss it, I have to deal with remembering why I had to give it up.
My son started middle school this year, and that has been particularly difficult since I had once planned to be a teacher at the same junior high. He made the basketball team, and at an away game I was surprised by how difficult it was to visit the school where I once taught. Going back to the scene of a position I once loved, where I got to help kids I really cared about, gave me delusions.
I started thinking about teaching down the road again, when my son gets older, or I get better. I had to stop myself, because I know by now it’s wishful thinking. I have a health condition that isn’t going away. I already know I can’t teach anymore while having endometriosis. I tried, and it was nearly impossible for me.
By letting my credentials go, I finally feel free to plan my next chapter
By letting my teaching certificate go, I was able to make more room in my mind about what to do next. For instance, I know I’ll be volunteering after school for my son’s art club. I’ve also been thinking about how to help other teachers, such as creating helpful resources for students and advocating for better working conditions.
Finding ways to incorporate my teaching skills into my future work is giving me hope for what that might look like. And knowing that teaching, in the traditional sense, won’t be a part of that gives me plenty of room to explore.
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