The Teenagers on Indie Sleaze, Getting Ripped Off by Charli XCX, and Hot Step-Cousins (or Whatever)

Welcome to LOST WEEKEND, VICE’s hungover news briefing.

One of the most “I was there” nights of my life was at Fabric in 2007. Fittingly, LCD Soundsystem were on the bill, as were the Chemical Brothers and Justice, but the best sets of the night were by Crystal Castles and The Teenagers.

Nearly 20 years later, I haven’t been back to Fabric since, but every time I open my phone I’m losing my edge to kids on TikTok who know every word from the songs of 2007, including “Homecoming”, which has the all-time greatest chorus with the word “cunt” in it.

Now, the French synth-pop act, famous for their perverted minds, are back with a charming, self-referential new mini-album called Oversharing. I got on the phone with them ahead of their return to London (“the first place people believed in us”) for two shows later this month.

VICE: Why come back now? Did you have to wait this long to avoid paying child support for all the kids you conceived 18 years ago?
Quentin Delafon: With the way I have sex, it’s very difficult to conceive a child. No child has ever been born anally.
Dorian Dumont: I have a kid that I know of. I honestly don’t think I have another.
Delafon: I was struggling to find a job. I microdosed psilocybin and went back to tracks we recorded in 2012 but never released. Four out of ten were really good. I started to rework the words. After bullying Dorian for a few weeks, he agreed to try again.

How do you feel about the fans today who weren’t alive in 2008?
Dumont: If it was only old fans, it would be like playing for grandparents.
Delafon: The other day I passed [Paris venue] L’Olympia, and there was a concert by [Swedish “The Final Countdown” band] Europe. Everyone queuing was 200 years old. In this sense, we’re blessed that TikTok is using our songs.
Dumont: They’re trying to copy our 2008 lifestyle. Every time we do an interview, they ask, “Was it really that cool?” We’re like, “Yeah.” There was less stress: going out, partying, and digital cameras.
Delafon: There’s an idealization of the past. We had a lot of freedom, with social media not being so big. But there were also problematic things, including our lyrics.

Swearing in every song: big, clever, or both?
We wanted to be provocative. It’s in our nature, but we’ve wisened with age. Some of the lyrics, I’m shocked by. What the fuck were we thinking?
Dumont: Yeah, “Sunset Beach”—we wouldn’t write it like that now. At the time, no one was shocked.
Delafon: The French accent helps.
Dumont: Every time I ask Gen Zs, “Are the lyrics offensive?” they’re like, “It’s fine. It’s funny.” We’re scared of how they’re going to take it, but they don’t give a fuck.

With “Sunset Beach”, how does the pain of a stolen Jazzmaster compare to not getting a songwriting credit on Charli XCX’s “Wink Wink”?
Delafon: I wish I could retire, but I’m happy we’re being referenced. It gave us visibility right when we’re putting new music out.
Dumont: The Jazzmaster thing never happened.

Setting aside the consistently incredible Blink-182, where’s music at now versus 2008?
Dumont: I wish there was more guitar music, but it’s hard financially to have a band of five people and tour. There are more duos because it’s cheaper. We tried to be this real band, but no one would’ve cared if we just put on the backing track and sang over it.
Delafon: It was a different time. People were concerned with whether a band was authentic.
Dumont: In the past 20 years, all these rappers arrived. They do huge venues and just press play. They made it OK to just karaoke your own songs.

True or false: indie sleaze?
At the time, we’d never been to a rave or anything, but people in England called us nu rave.
Delafon: Journalists called us “sleazy French pop,” so I guess we’re a subdivision of indie sleaze. With our lyrics, I believe we qualify.

See this Fabric lineup from 2007? Fuck, marry, kill.
Straight away I’m marrying Justice because, hello, they have the best royalties. I’m going to fuck Goose because they’re from Belgium, so, you know, they’re crazy.
Dumont: We don’t want to say we’d kill Busy P.
Delafon: No, he’s a kind soul.
Dumont: We can say kill the Filthy Dukes just because we don’t know them.

The new mini-album’s called Oversharing. What’s the most egregious overshare you’ve been involved in?
I was having sex in Australia, and the girl started telling me about problems with her mom. I did therapy at four in the morning. We talked for an hour, and I had to hug her. She was cute, so it wasn’t a problem.
Delafon: I’d never heard that story. I’m uncomfortable and I wasn’t even there. It’d make a gorgeous lyric.

You guys must have changed a lot. You’ve probably seen Showgirls more times than you remember now.
We’re going to play “Love No” live because Dorian is forcing me. I wanted to change the lyrics to: “Are you going to watch the movie Showgirls again? / Because it makes me feel like you’re gay.” If a girl is worried her boyfriend is watching Showgirls, she should be worrying about bigger things. It’s the gayest movie about the female body ever.
Dumont: I went to the cinema to see it when I was 15 with all my straight buddies. There were eight of us in La Défense, and I think we all had a hard-on the whole time.
Delafon: It’s crazy to be writing music after 18 years. We really thought it was finished. If we were still writing songs about fucking Nicole and stolen Jazzmasters, it would be a bit tragic.

And the world has changed too. I mean, the streets of Paris, famously uncrazy now, thank God.
Dumont: We called it.
Delafon: We bring lightness and nostalgia in challenging times. We’re a bubble of stupidity.

How’s Oversharing been received by your many celebrity fans? Heard from “Starlett Johansson” at all?
Dumont: No, but I had a friend who interviewed Scarlett Johansson in 2012. I was like, “Can you ask her if she knows the song?” Scarlett was like, “I hate it. I’m over it. People play it to me 10,000 times.” Her assistant said that when he wants to annoy her in the car, he plays the song.
Delafon: It’s a cute song, so innocent. Respectful also, not one of the crude songs.
Dumont: It’s a bit stalker-ish.
Delafon: It’s internet stalking with information available online. That’s all.

MySpace Top 8—who’s in there today?
Oh my God. This deserves reflection. The Top 8 was a big political thing. Crystal Castles wouldn’t be in it anymore.
Dumont: Frost Children.
Delafon: Ourselves.
Dumont: We could still put Britney for fun. M83—we’ve been big fans since the beginning.
Delafon: Vive la Fête.

Your merchandise says, “Being a teenager is not a crime.” What, technically speaking, is a teenager? No pressure, but my friend could end up in jail depending on your answer.
Dumont: I have a friend who asked me ten years ago, “Dorian, are you going to wear hoodies your whole life?” And I was thinking, “Yeah, I think so.” I still feel like a teenager, even though I’m a dad and have a kid. I still live kind of the same life. I write music on my computer. I play video games. I go to bed late. I do the responsible stuff, but I don’t want to change too much.
Delafon: I feel like I’m trying to get on board with the responsibilities of life, but somehow the responsibilities are rejecting me. Here we are making music again. Let’s see how this goes.

So why London for these “Homecoming” shows, because last time I checked it’s not in France.
Dumont: Honestly everything happened for us in London. London believed in us in the first place. And fun fact, at some point I remember we had the record of the band that played the most VICE parties, because we played five or six.
Delafon: I think if I remember correctly, which never really happens, that VICE was the first article we ever had,
Dumont: They were the first to contact us back in the day. And you’re kind of the first now.
Delafon: We had a portrait photo taken in a toilet backstage and it was literally the first time we’re in a magazine, it was a big deal.
Dumont: We were really loving the Do’s and Don’ts at the time, I think they’re like “Homecoming” or “Sunset Beach” now.

The band started as a joke, but it’s aged well. Tell me a joke that’s aged well—or hasn’t?
I heard this joke recently and thought, “Am I ever going to have an opportunity to use it?” It looks like the time is now. What’s the difference between a mint and an asshole?

I’m wondering if this is like a Polo joke, something about—
The taste.

How’s your auntie’s stepdaughter doing these days? Still hot?
Delafon: She hasn’t aged because she’s imaginary. That’s the best way not to age.
Dumont: We would never have sex with a step-cousin.
Delafon: Step-cousin is OK because you’re not blood-related.
Dumont: Still…
Delafon: It’s frowned upon.

OTHER NEWS

• What in the name of MK Ultra is going on with this cinema that plans to hypnotize people so they can watch their favorite films again for the “first time” (and where do I sign up)?
• While you were dressing up as Julian Casablancas from MTV’s 2002 $2 Dollar Bill Concert, or Britney Spears dancing with knives, VICE photographer Jamie Lee Taete was going undercover at the evangelical hell house to find out what Hell will be like when we’re all burning in it.
• And Bradford Cox from Deerhunter has returned with the first new Atlas Sound music in almost 15 years. I don’t imagine he’s been out shooting big bucks this whole time, but it is possible he was captured by the Viet Cong and forced to play Russian Roulette with his friends.  

PREDICTION OF THE WEEK

• So judging by the warnings of Tucker Carlson—who’s evidently not a gamer—we’ve finally reached the release month for all those ballistic missiles with the long-awaited nuclear war in the Middle East ensuring that, predictably, we get the end of all human life as we know it before we get the new GTA 6.

BRAND NEW SENTENCE

• “Footage showing the black layer on a dead horse being scraped off with water and a shovel during horse meat preparation in China has sparked debate on social media.”

BONUS PREDICTION: AN UNWELCOME “HOMECOMING”…

• Britain’s sex police come for The Teenagers on account of their promoting the kind of incestuous step-relative sex that can get you banged up in porno jail.

Follow Adam on Instagram @yungtolstoi

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