Growing up, I was always terrified of being seen as “cringe.” Of course, back then, we just called it “weird” or “annoying,” two labels I received frequently from my older brothers. And while I tried my best not to be known as someone’s “embarrassing little sister,” I just couldn’t escape my own identity.
I mean, come on…I’m a writer. It’s basically my job to be cringey, especially when drafting heartfelt poetry and dramatic fiction novels.
But back in middle school, high school, and even well into college, I rejected these adjectives and tried my best to fit in with the rest of my peers. It wasn’t until I entered the real world and unlearned my own self-loathing that I was able to discover—and return to—who I truly am: a passionate, creative, and painfully awkward yet semi-charming woman. Or, as the internet would call me, cringey.
This got me thinking: why are some of our best attributes, most fulfilling passions, and most freeing moments considered cringey? And if that’s the case, why aren’t we all aiming to be “cringe”?
The Fear of Being ‘Cringe’
While “cringe” might seem like an easy insult to brush off, the implied rejection behind it can hit our deepest wounds and fears. We might equate this term with abandonment, neglect, and even danger.
“We live in a society where one negative label, review, comment, or perception can follow you for the rest of your life,” says Noelle King, LMFT, Clinical Director and experienced mental health professional at Embark Behavioral Health. “Being seen as ‘cringe’ carries the risk of permanency. The internet and social media are hard to escape.”
Humans are social creatures. We’re wired to crave acceptance and belonging. So when we feel judged or rejected, we might subconsciously mistake it as a life-or-death situation, telling ourselves we must “fix” our own cringeness to better fit in.
“This fear can cause pressure to match what is ‘cool’ or ‘acceptable’ in today’s age,” King adds. “This kind of pressure can feed things such as imposter syndrome or insecurity [about] how someone is perceived. It can make it hard for people to be able to feel like they can express themselves for who they are.”
Why You Should Embrace Your Cringe
As I got older, I learned that every person in this world belongs somewhere, whether it be within their family, their college friend group, their local community, their book club, etc. (I also learned that my brothers were more annoyed by my constant tattling in childhood than they were about me being “cringe.”)
Yet, for most of my life, I thought I had to be “cool” to keep certain friends or attract a boyfriend, but really, I was shutting myself off from genuine connections and fulfilling experiences because I wasn’t being myself.
“Living in discomfort in order to avoid criticism robs us of living the lives that we want,” says King. “Being our authentic selves allows us to be present and experience the joy of living.”
Once I started behaving in ways that other people might find “cringe”—like dancing wildly to Blink-182 at the bar or sharing my poetry on Instagram—I began to find more meaning in life. As such, I also attracted the right people and relationships, who only further encouraged my “cringe” (aka authentic) behavior.
“It is important to surround ourselves with people who help celebrate our authenticity and encourage us to be so,” King says. “Find what you like about yourself and connect to it more deeply. How we see ourselves is far more important than anyone else’s perception.”
If cringe means caring deeply, loving shamelessly, and experiencing life loudly, I’ll wear that title with pride—and you should, too.
The post The Psychology Behind Our Fear of Being ‘Cringe’ (and Why We Should Embrace It) appeared first on VICE.
