At the end of the summer, I packed my bags and two cats and got on a plane by myself, leaving our spacious home in Portland, Oregon, for a two-bedroom cabin in the remote woods of upstate New York.
I was planning to live there temporarily so I could spend some time with my husband, who had rented the place while he was working on a movie in the area. He had moved to the area a few weeks earlier to start work, and he would stay there until mid-November when the project wrapped.
His options for where to stay were limited: a room at a Best Western, or a quaint cottage with a wood-burning stove and brick flooring on a historic acreage with farm animals.
If I hadn’t planned to come, he might have just chosen the hotel room, but he wanted a pet-friendly option with a little more space.
I saw staying in the cabin as a chance to slow down a bit after feeling work-related burnout — but I was nervous, too.
The cabin showed me what I took for granted at home
Immediately, there were some things I genuinely loved about rural living.
One of my favorite parts was the privacy. The cabin sat next to a creek and a grove of trees on a massive acreage at the foot of a mountain. It was part farm, part forest.
I rarely saw other people most days, and got plenty of work done. While at the cabin, I started working on the second draft of my novel while planning for my next full-time role.
However, it was also tough to adjust to rustic life. For most of my adult life, I’d lived in cities, including Los Angeles, New York, Atlanta, and Portland.
Back home in Portland, I’d gotten used to our walkable neighborhood with incredible coffee shops just steps away, plus a slew of local wine bars, restaurants, and other small businesses easily accessible by bike.
Although there were a few charming spots in the general area, the surrounding town beyond the acreage was pretty lackluster, and we were living in a grocery-store desert. I was surprised by how little there really was to do, considering we were only about a two-hour drive from New York City.
Then there was the cottage itself. After living in a house with a dishwasher and an espresso machine, I had to get used to sputtering hot-water taps and Keurig coffee.
Still, none of these inconveniences was the end of the world, especially since I’d only be living here for one month. The biggest challenge, though, was confronting my obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Living near so many insects forced me to face my OCD
Rustic cabin living meant that there were bugs everywhere, pretty much all the time.
Moths, stinkbugs, crane flies the size of my palm, spiders, grasshoppers, and even crickets managed to sneak their way inside. Outside, I’d get swarmed by mosquitoes and gnats.
One night, I counted over two dozen sizable bugs that had somehow snuck into our cabin. Sometimes the bugs made me feel trapped because I couldn’t fully escape them, no matter where I was.
This might be an annoying inconvenience for people used to suburban life or climates with fewer bugs, but for me — someone with OCD — it felt like a test from the universe.
Although every person with OCD can and will have completely different fears, obsessions, and compulsions, many of mine center on fears of germs, disease, or contamination.
For me, a fear of hurting myself or my pets due to something in the environment — for instance, ticks with Lyme disease — can trigger compulsive handwashing, body-checking, and a general sense of anxiety throughout the day. When these compulsions come into play, I often become less productive, more distracted, and late for everything.
The presence of so many bugs, plus corners layered with dust and cobwebs, triggered my fears of contamination and heightened my anxiety. Early on, I was even afraid of walking on the grass outside, since upstate New York has many more reported cases of Lyme disease than in Oregon, my home base.
I was also concerned that my spouse, while working on location in the woods or other areas, might bring ticks home on his clothes, transmit them to me, or fall ill from a bite.
Being exposed to my fears eventually helped them fade
Despite all of this, about a week in, I started to settle into cabin life a bit.
My fears were there, but nothing bad happened. The bugs didn’t go away, but they didn’t get us sick. The cats were happy. At one point, I walked across the grass to go see the goats on the property, and I didn’t get any ticks.
It might sound silly, but for me, this was a bit of a breakthrough.
I love animals, nature, and traveling the world, but the intense, intrusive thoughts that OCD brings can make it difficult to enjoy a new adventure without a constant baseline feeling of anxiety.
The best part about living in this rural landscape was being able to see and get close to so many animals. On the property, there were free-range chickens and geese, plus wild turkeys, foxes, deer, and tons of blue jays.
And there was this squad of hilarious goats, sheep, and a cow. With time, I was able to enjoy the experience.
Spending a month in upstate New York isn’t something I’d do again, and after a month at the cottage, I was excited to return to our spacious house and walkable neighborhood. But I’m grateful for the experience that allowed me to try out a new lifestyle, challenge my OCD, and come out stronger.
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