If you’re online at all today, you likely know there’s a label for just about everything, from dating patterns to friendship dynamics. Recent examples include “filler friends” and “floater friends,” which can be incredibly offensive depending on the context.
Here’s what you should know about these friendship “types,” the potential downsides of categorizing yourself and other humans, and how to reject the label while focusing on healthy connections.
What Are Filler Friends?
According to Dr. Kelly Whaling of Prosper Health, “A filler friend is someone who feels like a backup option in a friendship or social group.”
“They might only be contacted when other people are unavailable, receive last-minute invitations, or feel that their efforts to maintain the friendship aren’t reciprocated,” she explains.
This label is offensive to most people, as it essentially devalues the individual and poses them as a temporary fill-in.
What Are Floater Friends?
On the other hand, “A floater friend is someone who moves between different social circles without necessarily belonging to one central friend group,” Dr. Whaling explains.
While lacking a go-to group of friends might seem lonely, many people believe it’s more natural and fulfilling to develop individual friendships with people from various walks of life.
“They might have friends from work, school, hobbies, and other activities, but those groups rarely overlap,” she continues. “Some people find this isolating, while others enjoy having a variety of social connections. Research suggests that both close friendships and interactions with more casual social connections, sometimes called weak ties, can contribute to well-being.”
The Problem With Labels
Obviously, for whatever reason, today’s younger generations are obsessed with labels. But can they actually do more harm than good?
“I think these terms can be useful for describing social experiences, but I would caution against treating them as fixed identities or psychological categories, because they aren’t established terms in psychological research,” says Dr. Whaling. “Friendship research suggests that the quality of our relationships and whether we feel supported and valued are important considerations, not just the size of our social circle.”
“I also worry that these labels can encourage people to interpret ordinary social experiences, like missed invitations or delayed responses, as personal rejection,” Dr. Whaling continues. “Friendships naturally vary in closeness, and having different types of relationships isn’t inherently problematic, particularly when we consider differences in social preferences, including among neurodivergent people.”
You might be wondering whether you’re a filler friend or floater friend, but Dr. Whaling warns against fixating on these labels.
“Rather than focusing on the label, I’d encourage people to ask whether their friendships feel reciprocal, whether they have people they can confide in and rely on, and whether they’re satisfied with their social connections,” she says. “Look for consistent patterns rather than isolated incidents, since a canceled plan or missed invitation doesn’t necessarily indicate rejection.”
Building Fulfilling Friendships Without the Need to Label
As Dr. Whaling points out, you can better assess a friendship based on how you feel in it, not the apparent role you play.
“If you want closer friendships, try initiating plans, communicating your needs, and investing in relationships where there’s mutual interest and effort,” she says. “It’s also important to recognize that casual friendships have value, and not every relationship needs to become a close friendship.”
Additionally, everyone has different needs, preferences, and expectations in their friendships.
“Some people have little or no desire for friendships, others prefer a small circle of close friends, and others thrive with a large, lively social network,” Dr. Whaling states. “There’s no one right way to have a social life, and our needs and preferences can change over time. What matters is finding the kinds of connections, or amount of solitude, that feel fulfilling to you.”
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