If there’s one thing I know about younger generations, it’s that they expect far too much of themselves and each other—especially in relationships. In dating, many people believe they should always feel connected to their partner, treating any disconnect as a threat to their bond.
But can we really stay connected to our partner every hour of every day?
“The age of social media and having all forms of communication right at our fingertips has increased [the] pressure to stay connected with your partner at all times,” says Leanna Stockard, a licensed marriage and family therapist at LifeStance Health. “This could look like texting consistently throughout the day, about everything or nothing, expecting your partner to reply immediately, checking their location when you are apart, etc. You may feel the pressure to stay in constant communication with your partner throughout the day to maintain a connection with them, but this is not necessarily the case, and could actually be harmful.”
Like with most issues in life, adding more pressure will likely only cause more harm. In other words, pushing for constant connection with your partner might actually sabotage its authenticity.
The Downsides of Constant Connection
While you might assume constant connection with your partner is positive, the pressure to stay in contact and emotionally engaged at all times can put unnecessary strain on your relationship.
“The pressure to be constantly connected to your partner can create a sense of obligation, frustration, or set an unhealthy expectation in the relationship,” Stockard says. “It’s important for partners to have space and freedom to maintain their individual lives, and feeling pressure to stay constantly connected can interfere with that space. It can keep them attached to their phones when with friends, feeling like they need to update their partner constantly, and overall it can impact their ability to stay present with other parts of their lives.”
Is Constant Connection Really Necessary?
While connection within a relationship is important to maintaining your bond, constant connection is simply unrealistic and unnecessary. Just because our partners are more accessible today through social media, texting, and other communication channels doesn’t mean we must stay in contact at all times—or that we will feel emotionally connected every day.
“Previous generations have been able to maintain an overall connection with one another despite not being constantly connected throughout the day,” says Stockard. “It’s similar to the way that we do not need to be constantly connected to friends or family members, but then when you do see one another to connect, it’s like no time has passed.”
Relationships go through different phases and seasons, just like friendships, and you might not always feel as connected as you’d like. However, this doesn’t necessarily raise a red flag.
A More Realistic Approach to Connection
While it’s natural to crave consistent communication and a strong bond with your partner, constant connection is not always attainable.
“A better approach to connecting with your partner is being intentional,” says Stockard. “Intentional connection can include doing an activity together, having a conversation without screens present, and/or talking about the ins and outs of your day at the end of the day instead of throughout.”
Intentional connection is far more important than constant connection. Quality over quantity.
“It is important to prioritize this intentional connection to maintain an overall genuine connection with one another,” Stockard adds. “This form of connection can improve trust, safety, and the quality of your relationship.”
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