You’ve heard of the diabolical dating trend called “ghosting,” but what about the counteractive, compassionate trend called “bless and release”? Let’s explore this faith-restoring breakup tactic, shall we?
What Is the ‘Bless and Release’ Dating Trend?
The “bless and release” dating trend involves ending a relationship with compassion, respect, and clear communication rather than ghosting.
“This is a response to the rise in ghosting, transactional dating, and treating people like objects in the modern landscape,” says Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a relationship expert at Hily Dating App and Harvard-trained clinical psychologist. “We’re seeing a rejection of objectification and the lack of accountability that used to plague the dating world.”
“Virtually every modern dater has been on both sides: being ghosted and acting as the ghost,” she continues. “Now, instead, people are more motivated to take a different approach by directly telling the person they’re not interested, and wishing them well, before releasing them back into the dating pool. Instead of just vanishing when no longer interested, people are acting with more integrity, honesty, and communication.”
What the Bless and Release Dating Trend Says About Modern Dating
With this shift toward a kinder, more humane dating trend, I’d say the bless and release trend is shedding light on the empathy many modern daters feel toward their counterparts. Surely, if you’ve been ghosted yourself, you wouldn’t want to inflict similar pain on someone else.
“I think this is a step in the right direction after years of the dating world living in the Wild West,” says Dr. Romanoff. “It’s a return to decency and ‘doing unto others as you’d like done to yourself.’”
“Not only does this give the other person the gift of ‘closure,’ but it also provides you with the confidence and integrity of knowing you treated another person with honor,” she adds. “Daters are taking a more active stance of changing the rules of relating to each other, and I think this will lead to real change.”
When to Use the Bless and Release Method
There’s really no wrong time to use the bless and release method, as it simply involves basic human decency. If you’re sure you’re no longer interested in pursuing a relationship with someone, tell them directly and compassionately.
“If you know there is no true future with them, it’s best to respect and protect both of your energy and emotional resources,” says Dr. Romanoff. “There is something about closing the door that protects both of you from backsliding when either of you is lonely or circling back out of convenience, when you know this is inevitably a dead-end relationship.”
It is important to note that in some cases—like with a toxic or abusive relationship—a kind and communicative ending is not necessary and can even be unsafe. In this context, you do not owe them your empathy or a conversation.
How to Bless and Release Your Connection
If you’re dating someone you don’t see potential with and think it’s time to set them free, lead with kindness.
“You don’t necessarily need to explain why you’re not interested, as that likely wouldn’t be internalized well and might spark more feelings of rejection and strife,” Dr. Romanoff says. “Instead, it’s about the act of honesty as a kindness, instead of leaving someone hanging and perpetually waiting to hear back. By closing the door, you are respecting and giving them back their most valuable resource: time.”
“The best way to do this is to use non-violent communication strategies, which essentially means using language that is least likely to spark defensiveness,” she continues. “For example, starting the sentence with ‘I’ (e.g., I don’t think we are a romantic match) instead of ‘you’ (e.g., you’re not ___ enough for me).”
She also recommends the sandwich method: start with positive statements/compliments, deliver the truth about your feelings (or lack thereof), and end by wishing them well.
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