If you’re on divorce TikTok (which I somehow am, despite being in a loving relationship), you’ve probably heard the term “divorce glow-up.” But is it a real phenomenon—and if so, what drives it?
What Is a Divorce Glow-Up?
According to Doriel Jacov, JD, LCSW, psychotherapist and founder of DJ Psychotherapy, “A divorce glow-up is the general idea that someone thrives after a marriage ends, with changes to appearance, career, friendships, romantic life, confidence, or general well-being.”
“From a psychological perspective, however, I tend to think that a divorce glow-up is more than just becoming happier and more attractive after a divorce,” Jacov continues. “What looks like a glow-up to others may actually be someone rediscovering parts of themselves that were less visible or minimized in their prior relationship.”
Many people assume glow-ups are about looks, focusing on gaining muscle at the gym, investing in a skincare routine, and even dyeing their hair. However, true glow-ups go far deeper than the physical.
“Of course, a divorce glow-up can manifest through changes to appearance, but it can also involve deeper friendships, returning to old interests, new interests, professional ambition, dating, or deep self-reflection,” says Jacov. “In a long-term relationship, our lives and sense of self can be interwoven with another person’s. This can lead certain parts of ourselves to fade into the background. After a separation, we can find a renewed sense of agency, desire for growth, and openness to change.”
Why Do Glow-Ups Happen After Divorce?
Post-divorce glow-ups can happen for many reasons, from breaking out of a toxic cycle to simply regaining time for yourself.
“I often think about breakups within the context of grief, where we lose the relationship along with the role that person played in our life and the imagined future we had with them. Part of processing a breakup means adjusting to a new reality and future that doesn’t involve that person,” says Jacov. “Importantly, someone can be grieving while also thriving in other areas of their life. Being able to laugh, date, exercise, reconnect with friends, or become excited about work doesn’t mean the grief is gone.”
Your glow-up might result from refocused energy channeled back into yourself rather than into your spouse/marriage. This doesn’t necessarily mean your spouse was the issue—though that is sometimes the case. Instead, you might now have more time to prioritize your own wants and needs.
“Re-engaging with life is often part of how we adapt to loss, though I also wouldn’t assume that every glow-up is a manifestation of healing,” Jacov says. “Sometimes over-exercising, working, or dating can be a way to distance oneself from painful feelings.”
You’ve likely witnessed it: the friend who suddenly overdoes it in the gym to get a revenge body or throws themselves into work to avoid the pain of their divorce. Many people try a post-divorce glow-up to boost their confidence, investing energy in the more superficial parts of themselves/their lives rather than in healing.
“Trying to have a divorce glow-up can also be an unconscious attempt to make an ex jealous or win them back rather than grieve the relationship,” Jacov says. “The important question is whether these changes are helping someone build a more meaningful and fulfilling life or if it’s an attempt at proving they’re doing well.”
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