Everyone has had a kiss that made them think, “Oh, no.” Maybe you liked the person five seconds earlier. Maybe you were fully prepared to keep making out. Then your faces met and something in you went…nope.
Researchers have actually looked at why that happens. Romantic kissing appears in over 90% of human cultures, and a study by Wlodarski and Dunbar found that kissing can help people assess a potential partner, build attachment, and increase arousal.
That first job helps explain why one bad kiss can absolutely kill attraction. You’re taking in scent, taste, touch, timing, and how the other person responds to you, all while trying not to knock teeth. Wlodarski and Dunbar found that people who cared more about finding a compatible partner also placed greater importance on kissing. Women in the study rated kissing as more important than men did, both early on and in established relationships.
What Your Kissing Habits Might Reveal About Your Relationship
Kissing also seems to affect what happens in your body once you already like somebody. Lafayette College psychologist Wendy Hill found in a widely cited study that kissing was associated with changes in oxytocin and cortisol. Oxytocin is involved in bonding, while cortisol is associated with stress.
Context seems to matter here, as well. Holistic therapist Adam Boniface told Healf, “A six-second kiss following meaningful eye contact has been shown to lower cortisol significantly.” He added that a rushed kiss without much reciprocity could actually leave someone feeling worse.
Kissing also appears to be especially important after the early dating stage, when making out is now bumped below laundry, dinner, work emails, and whatever show you’ve both agreed to watch.
A 2023 study in Sexual and Relationship Therapy surveyed 1,605 people in committed relationships and found that people who kissed their partners more frequently reported lower anxious and avoidant attachment, greater relationship satisfaction, greater arousal, and a higher likelihood of orgasm.
The common thread through all of this is reciprocity. Kissing can be revealing when it comes to attraction, attachment, and arousal, but only when both people are actually engaged.
You can tell when someone’s distracted, going through the motions, or already mentally checking their phone. You can also tell when they’re right there with you, responding instead of just waiting for the kiss to be over.
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