You’ve heard of the golden retriever boyfriend, but what about the black cat girlfriend?
Though it’s usually used to describe a woman in a relationship, black cat energy isn’t exclusive to female partners. In fact, anyone can embody the energy of the black cat in dating.
Here’s how to do it—and the benefits it might bring you.
What Is Black Cat Energy in Dating?
According to Dr. Alexandra Foglia, DMFT, Director of Family Programs at All in Solutions, “Black cat energy is a way to describe people who display behaviors in relationships that are similar to the way a stereotypical black cat acts.”
As the owner of an adorable black cat, I can attest that their behavior is iconic. Let’s just say they know their worth—and they have some strict boundaries when it comes to love and affection.
“These individuals tend to be self-assured, independent, selective with their attention, and are more likely to avoid chasing someone’s interest and affection and over-functioning in their relationships,” says Foglia. “Black cat energy can be appealing and attractive when done in a healthy way, but can be damaging to relationships if they become too aloof or stingy with their affection.”
My black cat, Poe—after Edgar Allan Poe, of course—is incredibly aloof most of the time. However, when I respect his space, he tends to express more affection and willingness to connect. When I don’t, well…let’s just say he isn’t afraid to call me out.
How to Embody Black Cat Energy in Dating
If you want to channel your inner black cat, all you have to do is connect with your sense of self and lead with confidence. Be unapologetic about your desires, needs, boundaries, and the unique way in which you live your life.
“Embodying black cat energy is more about setting boundaries and allowing yourself to remain independent while dating instead of acting mysterious,” says Foglia. “One way to do this is to prioritize and maintain your life outside of dating by keeping your routines, friendships, and interests your own instead of completely changing them to fit your relationship. While compromise and change are healthy in relationships, you need to make sure that your dating life acts as a complement to your life, not the other way around.”
This independence is alluring, as it proves you don’t rely on others for your own happiness or sense of purpose. Your connections are likely more authentic because you don’t feel you need them—rather, you want them.
Of course, black cat energy doesn’t mean it’s all about you all the time. These cuddly animals can still be affectionate and loving, just not to their own detriment.
“Healthy relationships also require a sense of reciprocity to be mutually rewarding,” Foglia adds. “If one partner is always the one to initiate contact, plan dates, and adjust their life to meet your needs, then this is no longer an equal relationship and can cause resentment over time. People with a healthy approach to black cat energy are able to be confident, create meaningful connections, and maintain their boundaries and standards instead of being emotionally distant.”
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