DEAR ABBY: A good friend in our prayer circle, “Diane,” has a friend, “Suzy,” with whom several of us once socialized. We’ve all distanced ourselves because Suzy has anger and stability issues that have become increasingly frequent since her former spouse has begun dating again. Diane allows Suzy to verbalize all kinds of half-truths and act out with volatile behavior, which some of us feel is basically encouraging destructive mental health.
While some of us suspect Diane enjoys the drama of recounting Suzy’s latest issue, others believe she thinks she’s “being there” for Suzy. Since so much of each meeting is now focusing on Diane’s description of Suzy’s latest tantrum, how can we encourage her to help Suzy get the counseling she needs to get past not only her divorce, but also the results of several years of negative behavior, and focus on the real reason we are gathering? — CARING FRIEND IN OHIO
DEAR FRIEND: Has it occurred to you that instead of praying, which is what those meetings are supposed to be about, Diane has hijacked the purpose of the meeting with gossip when she describes in detail poor Suzy’s antics? What an invasion of Suzy’s privacy! Tell Diane that if she really wants to help her friend, she should encourage her to get professional help and, if she’s reluctant to do it, to pray (as will you all!) that Suzy summons up the courage.
DEAR ABBY: I live in a neighborhood that has no sidewalks, and I vacation in a busy coastal area that also has narrow roads. My dog and I walk at least once a day along these roads, and I’ve noticed that many pedestrians don’t know which side of the road to walk down.
According to the Scouts, you should walk facing traffic. This makes sense because you can see vehicles coming toward you and can move out of the way if they do not or cannot move around you. These days, electric cars are so quiet that many walkers don’t hear them coming. Driving when you never know where walkers will be is dangerous, too. Please get the word out to walk or jog facing traffic, but not down the middle of the road. Thanks! — DOG WALKER IN IOWA
DEAR WALKER: I have long thought that my column serves as a sort of extended “community billboard.” Your safety message is an important one. Thank you for taking the time to share it.
DEAR ABBY: We need advice on the polite thing to do when you observe something on the face of a person you are talking to. Should you: a) Motion with your finger on your face that an object has been observed; b) Tell the person discreetly; c) Say or do nothing? Does it make a difference if the person is a friend, spouse or casual acquaintance? In the case of a spouse or good friend, should the observer suggest removing it? Does the same thing apply if you notice a zipper undone, button unfastened, clothing untucked, a smudge, tear or wet spot? — DIFFERENT OPINIONS
DEAR OPINIONS: I think the kind choice would be to inform the person of the problem discreetly, which would cause the least confusion and embarrassment. If appropriate, offer to help and see if it is welcome.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
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