This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Mesha Griffith. It has been edited for length and clarity.
In the middle of August, I dropped my 5-year-old son, Ellington, off for his first day of kindergarten.
Since then, people have been asking whether I feel sad about it, about my little boy growing up and leaving day care behind. In response, I usually look at them and nearly laugh.
“I’ve spent more than $87,000 on day care over the past five years,” I tell them. So no, I’m not sad.
We both work full time
Before Ellington was born, I knew we would use day care. My husband and I both work full-time, and staying home wasn’t financially realistic if we wanted to meet our long-term goals. We wanted to save for Ellington’s future college expenses and build a secure retirement so that he would never feel responsible for taking care of us financially later in life.
We also wanted to maintain the ability to enjoy things like family vacations without constantly worrying about money.
Personally, I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I genuinely enjoy my work and have spent years building a career negotiating contracts I wasn’t ready to walk away from. The thought of restarting my career after a five-year gap felt daunting.
Both sets of grandparents were still working, and while they would have loved to help care for Ellington while we worked, it simply wasn’t an option.
My son went to day care at 3 months
When Ellington was 12 weeks old, he started at a day care center near our home. It wasn’t anything fancy, just a typical day care. We knew it would be expensive, but it was a cost we had to accept. There was no way around it, so dwelling on it felt pointless.
For about nine months, we paid $1,600 a month. Then he moved to another standard day care shortly after he turned 1, where tuition increased to between $1,495 and $1,540 a month, depending on the month. We continued paying that amount until he started kindergarten in August.
Day care eventually became just another monthly bill, but I was always aware of how expensive it was. There were times over those five years when our day care payment was actually higher than our mortgage payment.
To afford day care, we scaled back on our retirement fund
To afford it, we reduced our savings contributions and scaled back our retirement contributions. Although we were financially comfortable overall, we often felt like we were living on the edge, hoping nothing major in the house would break and need an expensive repair.
For several reasons, I’ve decided that one child is enough for me. One of those reasons is the cost of childcare. Paying $1,500 a month was a significant expense, and I can’t imagine what it would have been like to double or triple that amount for multiple children.
Then August arrived, and after five years of paying a small fortune for day care, Ellington started school. Because he attended day care for only part of the month, our bill dropped to about $623.
Almost immediately, I started thinking about what we could do with the extra money, both that month and in the months ahead. One indulgence I’m considering is hiring a cleaning service to come once a month.
More practically, we’ll be able to rebuild our savings and increase our retirement contributions. Those may sound like boring goals, but they give us a much greater sense of security about our financial future.
Our childcare costs haven’t disappeared entirely. We still pay for before- and after-school care, which costs about $300 a month. Next summer, and every summer after that, we’ll need to pay for summer camps as well. Still, those expenses are manageable compared to what we’ve been paying for the past five years.
While I understand why some parents feel emotional about their child leaving day care and starting kindergarten, that wasn’t my experience. I was thrilled. I counted down the days until I no longer had to pay $1,500 a month.
No, I’m not sad that my son left day care. I’m relieved.
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