In May 2022, my husband, Daniel, and I reached a major milestone on our quest toward the American dream: buying our first home in Western Washington. The one-story home is just under 1,300 square feet and has four bedrooms and two bathrooms.
For almost a year, we enjoyed the freedom of finally owning a place that was all ours. We didn’t have to deal with noisy apartment neighbors or worry that we were being too loud. We spent quality time together with at-home dinner dates and TV-binge-watching sessions.
But it wasn’t long before Daniel and I ventured off the stereotypical homeownership path and asked our friend, Chelsea, to move into one of our spare bedrooms.
At first, I was nervous about balancing our roles as friends and landlords
Daniel and I met Chelsea in 2019, when we all lived in Nashville. My friendship with her was a Bumble BFF success story, and over time, she and Daniel became friends too.
However, Chelsea left Nashville to attend graduate school in Minnesota, and Daniel and I moved to Washington because we wanted to live in a more outdoorsy part of the country.
As Chelsea was finishing her fieldwork, she knew she didn’t want to settle down in the Midwest and felt financially stuck. Every couple of months, Daniel and I would remind her she could move in with us.
One day, when she’d finally had enough of the Midwest winter, she called to take us up on our offer and move into our spare bedroom.
At first, people in our lives seemed baffled that we would take on a roommate. What about our privacy as a married couple?
I, on the other hand, wasn’t too worried about having a roommate. I was more concerned about being a landlord to a friend.
There were some growing pains, of course. Chelsea is much tidier than Daniel or me, and her bedroom was only a few feet away from the living room, where we once watched TV late into the night.
But over time, we learned to be direct with each other. We could ask the other to clean up a mess or say if we needed time alone. If anything broke in her bedroom or bathroom, it was up to us as landlords to take care of it.
But otherwise, the friendship between the three of us made it feel more like we were roomies than two landlords and a tenant.
The living situation benefited all of us financially
Chelsea moving in eased some of our financial concerns. We could afford our mortgage payments, but having extra income from a tenant gave us the cushion to save and invest for our future.
She paid us $800 monthly ($830 after our property taxes spiked one year), which was roughly half of what she would have paid for a one-bedroom apartment in Olympia. So she had some extra wiggle room to save money, too.
However, Daniel and I agreed that she didn’t need to pay us for utilities. This was one way we found a balance between being landlords and friends.
But she often took care of our dogs for free when we were out of town or away for a long day, so it felt like a fair trade.
Plus, it was nice having the extra company
In addition to the financial cushion the living arrangement provided, I found lots of social benefits as well.
As someone who’s long lived with anxiety and depression, I’ve typically struggled when I’ve spent too much time on my own in the evenings.
But between living with my husband and my friend, I was usually able to keep my after-work loneliness and depression at bay.
Chelsea preferred spending time in our common area over locking herself in her room. So, when she got home from work in the evenings, we’d often watch TV or read on the couch together.
We spent plenty of time with Daniel, too, and of course, I had my alone time with him. But sometimes, he would have his own plans or want to play computer games in his office, so it was nice to have a friend to hang out with.
Earlier this year, Chelsea moved back to New York to be with her mom. But those three years taught me that there shouldn’t be a stigma about how our lives “should be” as a married couple or as homeowners.
We all have different ways of obtaining the American dream. For Daniel and me, it was about renting to our friend and improving our lives, both financially and socially.
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