This handy guide is taken from the fall 2025 issue of VICE magazine, THE BE QUIET AND DRIVE ISSUE, a Deftones special. We’ve sold out our copies, the only ones left are in stores—perhaps there’s one near you? Secure yourself the next 4 issues by subscribing.
Daniel Kilburn used to be a drill sergeant in the U.S. Army, but has since retired, and now tries to help people not die in his job as a “disaster preparedness strategist.”
He dispensed his wisdom to VICE on the condition we mention the company he founded—Emergency Action Planning, LLC—just in case anyone reading this somehow finds themselves in a position where they are responsible for other people’s lives.
Elevator Crash
What people think works: Jump at the last second before impact, like Neo from The Matrix.
What actually happens: You’re not Neo from The Matrix. You’ll mistime it, break your legs, or crush your head against steel walls in mid-air. This would be bad news for your brain.
What to do instead: Lay down flat on your back to spread the impact across your body. Or squat with your knees bent, back to the wall, arms overhead. Your legs are your shock absorbers. Don’t lock your joints unless you want them snapped like twigs.
Jumping From a Building
Spoiler alert: There is no good way to jump off a building.
The better (still bad) option: Aim for anything not concrete: dumpsters, bushes, awnings, parked cars. Keep your body loose. ‘Rigid’ means snapped bones. ‘Loose’ means maybe still breathing. Land feet-first, knees bent, then roll—like you’re trying to electric boogaloo. Use your legs as your shock absorbers. Even 20 feet could be fatal depending on how you land.
Indoor Fire
First mistake: Standing up and breathing yourself to death. Hot smoke kills way before flames do.
Your move: Hit the floor: the air’s cleaner down there. Touch doors with the back of your hand—that way, if it’s hot, you won’t instantly burn your palms, and you will likely need those if you want to survive. If you’re trapped, seal the door, wave your shirt out the window, and take calm breaths. Panic = hyperventilation = die fast.
Tornado
The rookie move: Dumbly recording it on your iPhone from your porch.
Reality check: If you can see the funnel, it can already eat your house.
What saves you: If you can, get underground. If you’re stuck in traffic, abandon your car. If you’re outside, find a ditch, lie flat, and cover up.
Avoid: Overpasses. They become wind tunnels. You’ll get sucked out the sides like an ant in a hoover.
VICE: Why a ditch?
Daniel Kilburn: They’re below the Earth’s surface, which gives you a greater opportunity not to get picked up. A tornado is like a big suction cloud so you don’t want to be standing up. Things are flying about, right? You don’t want to be hit by that cow that’s swinging around out there.
Home Invasion
The myth: “I’ll fight back and be the hero.”
What’s smarter: Live to tell the story.
Best plays: Escape—through a window, a back door, however you can. Can’t run? Hide in a lockable room, turn off the lights, and pipe down. Remember: one stray fart could kill you. If confrontation is unavoidable and you’re trained, act fast and decisively to subdue the fucker(s).
Mass Shooting
Natural hope: The police will handle it.
In reality: Kick into gear as soon as you hear shots.
The key: Know where the exits are ahead of time.
VICE: That sounds quite boring but it’s important, isn’t it?
Daniel Kilburn: You should do it when you go into any building: find the exits. If you’re in a restaurant, escaping through the kitchen is actually what I teach my kids to do. I usually try to sit close to an exit looking at the front door, but hey, that’s me—‘Drill Sergeant Dad!’
Crowd Crush
People think: I can squeeze my way through. Everybody else is just going for the wrong gap!
Think instead: Can I get to the side?
What to do: Get to the periphery. Back out of the crowd. If you’re in the throng and everyone starts falling, try to fall on your side so your diaphragm can expand, and you can breathe.
This handy guide is taken from the fall 2025 issue of VICE magazine, THE BE QUIET AND DRIVE ISSUE, a Deftones special. We’ve sold out our copies, the only ones left are in stores—perhaps there’s one near you? Secure yourself the next 4 issues by subscribing.
The post How to Survive Various Catastrophes appeared first on VICE.
