Have you ever dated someone who loved to hate you? You know the type: insecure and judgmental, who secretly wants to see you lose. They downplay all your successes and capitalize on your vulnerabilities. They dim the light you have within you, making everything about themselves while simultaneously making you the problem in every situation.
If you haven’t dated this type of person, consider yourself lucky. And if you’re wondering whether you currently are, here are some warning signs.
1. They’re constantly judging you
You know when you’re around highly critical people. You tense up, tug self-consciously at your skirt, obsessively fix your hair, and overthink every word that comes out of your mouth. Having a partner who side-eyes all you do is exhausting. The subtle judgments can wreak havoc on your confidence, oftentimes without you even noticing.
And usually, this stems from their insecurities. They’re projecting their own false narratives onto you. You know, normal ‘hater’ things.
2. They don’t celebrate your success
I once had a boyfriend dump me via text the day of my book release. Looking back, I realized there were a ton of red flags that he might have resented my achievements. Though initially he was drawn to my writing, eventually, it seemed to become something he downplayed.
He, too, loved writing, but he was never brave enough to pursue it, no matter how much I encouraged him. Still, he’d be highly critical of my favorite artists’ lyrics and poetry, saying they lacked depth. Not to mention, it seemed like he was most affectionate when I was experiencing a career hardship than when I was actually thriving.
If your partner doesn’t make a big stink of your success, that’s a major sign they’re actually a hater. Someone who loves you will be proud of your accomplishments and want to celebrate them with you.
3. You feel inferior to them
Haters love a good power trip. First, they might put you on a pedestal, but soon enough, you’re on the ground below them. Little by little, they chip away at your confidence until you start to question your own worth. If you’re in a vulnerable position or lack a strong sense of self, you might even start to lose parts of yourself. I’ve definitely been there.
Again, this is usually driven by their own insecurities. To feel better about themselves, they tear others down and act as though they’re superior. Really, they’re just a hater.
4. They tell you you’re ‘too sensitive’
There is nothing I hate more than when someone says some off-the-wall, offensive remark and then labels you “too sensitive” when you’re hurt by it. If someone is constantly invalidating your reactions to their shitty behavior, they’re likely just a hater who’s never been put in their place.
Your partner should want to build you up, not take jabs at you. No matter how “sensitive” you might be (it’s not a bad thing, by the way), they shouldn’t want to hurt your feelings. If they’re a true lover, they’d want to make you feel good about yourself.
5. They’re sarcastic and passive-aggressive
We’ve all experienced a person who mocks you to no end, only to say, “I’m just being sarcastic!” And, of course, there’s the individual who claims nothing is wrong when they’re actually being extremely passive-aggressive toward you, having an attitude and an underlying rudeness in their behavior.
If someone isn’t willing to communicate like an adult and just decides to put you down instead, that’s not a loving partner. That’s a hater. You don’t need ‘em.
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