Just yesterday, I was talking to a friend about the early stages of a relationship and how terrifying they can feel.
You know how it goes: you meet someone, whether off a dating app, through a mutual friend, or out in the wild. You hit it off, go on a few dates, and suddenly, you’re catching feelings.
Now what?
Well, if you made it this far, congrats! In this day and age—and in my and my friends’ experiences (both male and female)—it takes a lot to develop feelings for someone. Everyone seems to be dating around and shying away from commitment, so when interest actually piques, it can be tempting to freeze.
Everyone, stay calm! No sudden moves! You might spook them!
The uncertainty accompanying the early stages of a relationship can be agonizing. As someone with OCD who perpetually doubts everything, I often have to remind myself to chill the fuck out and actually enjoy the ride.
But it’s not always that simple.
And you don’t need to be a diagnosed overthinker to struggle with this phase of a relationship.
Communication is key
When you first start falling for someone, it helps to ensure you’re on the same page. While it might be tempting to play it cool and just “go with the flow,” you don’t want to be so laissez-faire that you let months pass without a clarifying conversation.
Making sure your wants and needs are aligned with someone else’s might help clear up your anxiety. Rather than guessing how they feel about you or whether they want a relationship like you do, you can just…ask them.
Communication is the simplest, yet often most intimidating, solution to relationship anxiety.
Not to mention, I’m a firm believer that you being honest and communicative cannot ruin a genuine connection that’s built to last. If the person is turned off by your openness and vulnerability, they probably aren’t the one for you, anyway.
Dealing with early relationship anxiety
Remember that you’re still getting to know the person during this stage. You don’t need to have complete certainty that they’re “the one.” When your mind starts to pick apart the person or connection, realize this could be a form of self-sabotage that prevents you from actually seeing things through.
If there are glaring red flags, then sure, you should definitely address them. But if you’re, say, overanalyzing every word that comes out of their mouth, you might want to ask yourself whether this is a pattern for you. And if so, what are you trying to achieve?
Likely, you’re just looking to protect yourself—and maybe even the other person.
But it is safe to let the relationship play out without the pressure of knowing for sure you’re going to, say, marry this person. We will never have complete assurance in our fate.
The reality is, some couples get divorced. Some relationships end. People change, some for the worse. Some lovers grow apart.
On the other hand, many couples do get their happily ever afters. Many relationships do last. People change, many for the better. Many lovers grow together.
That’s not to be overly jaded nor blissfully hopeful, but simply to realize that nothing in life is guaranteed. Enjoy where you are right now, keeping your future desires in mind and respecting your past pains, without either one completely overshadowing the present.
The post In the Early Stages of Your Relationship? Here’s How to Navigate the Uncertainty. appeared first on VICE.
