Throughout my 20s, I attended countless weddings and bridal celebrations, many of which alone. Being one of the only single bridesmaids or wedding guests always made me feel ashamed, as if I somehow was less valuable or accomplished without a date on my arm. Showing up alone took more courage, confidence, and—let’s be honest—money than I could muster.
I now look back at these times with compassion toward my past self, who struggled with insecurities and social anxiety. If I could, I’d go back and tell her to enjoy the present moment without worrying about her relationship status. As it turned out, in many cases, I ended up having a blast as the single bridesmaid, dancing the night away without a care in the world.
If you’re in a similar spot, preparing for a wedding as the single friend, you’re not alone—and your singlehood does not have to define you. Here are four tips for being the best solo wedding guest possible.
1. Be Curious About Your Feelings
Weddings can act as major triggers for single individuals, but triggers aren’t always a negative thing. In fact, they can teach us about our own insecurities, sensitivities, and opportunities for healing.
“The first thing you can do is be curious around the story underneath the feeling about being physically alone,” says Shruthi Nair, licensed mental health therapist and founder at Bold Brown Therapy. “The hardest part is not about being physically alone, [but] rather about what being alone means to you. The wedding can trigger thoughts such as everyone is moving forward in their life, or it can enhance low self-esteem.”
2. Manage Black-and-White Thinking
Witnessing a couple’s milestone can trigger insecurities or fears about your own future. However, this black-and-white thinking is not productive. Everyone has different paths and timelines.
“It can be helpful for individuals to name parts of themselves they have a good relationship [with] and accomplishments they had over the years,” says Nair. This can help improve self-esteem and mitigate any self-doubt that might creep in.
Additionally, I try to remind myself that relationships and marriages do not guarantee permanent happiness. I always thought that once I found my “person,” everything would be sunshine and rainbows—but that’s far from the truth. I still battle the same issues I faced when I was single.
Couples will still endure hardships (e.g., career challenges, financial struggles, illness, etc.) throughout their marriages. Some might stick together forever, as promised in their vows, while others might ultimately decide to part ways. We never know what can happen in others’ lives or in our own lives, so we might as well be grateful for what (and who) we have when we have it.
Rather than focusing on what you lack, celebrate the love you have in your friends and/or family, and channel your energy on the happy couple and their big day.
3. Allow Yourself to Hold Conflicting Truths
Weddings can stir up a variety of mixed feelings, from happiness and excitement to loneliness and longing. Allow yourself to process and even embrace every feeling you experience.
“Working on acceptance that you might be happy for the couple and have a desire to have a partner yourself can be the first step towards managing the guilt of having these feelings or thoughts,” says Nair.
4. Put a ‘Wedding Plan’ in Place
When attending or being in a wedding, your job is to celebrate the couple, but that doesn’t mean neglecting yourself altogether. As the notorious single bridesmaid, I’ve learned that preparing a self-protective wedding plan can do wonders for your anxiety and complex emotions.
“This can include identifying what you have control over, which is who you can sit with, talk to, how to regulate your emotions, and when you would like to leave,” says Nair. “This focuses on certainty rather than uncertainty, which can improve your confidence in attending the wedding.”
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