Leslie Jones walks into a one-star Airbnb …
The setup sounds like a “Saturday Night Live” skit, but it’s actually the premise of a new HGTV series starring the comedian and SNL alumna. In “Roast My Rental,” which premiered July 24, Jones conducts tough-love interventions at struggling vacation properties. Her style of rental therapy is to mock, then mend; heckle, then help.
“This where you live before they turn you into a doll,” Jones says in Episode 3, “Backwoods Breakdown,” as the camera pans a creepy loft bedroom populated by stuffed animals, including the disembodied head of a hobby horse.
In each of the show’s 11 episodes, Jones arrives at a California rental bedeviled by bad reviews and delivers constructive criticism with the candor of a stand-up comedian.
“When I’m roasting them, I understand it’s their house, but I do go hard sometimes,” she said in an interview with The Washington Post.
After the inspection, Jasmine Roth, the host of “Help! I Wrecked My House,” and her team have three days to overhaul the place, ripping out carpeting (in the bathroom, of all godforsaken places), replacing the rickety stairs (begone, tetanus-risk nails) and upgrading the window treatment (magnetized shades for the Futuro house). Hugs ensue, as do five-star reviews.
As a touring comedian and actor averse to grungy accommodations, Jones is a natural fit for the HGTV gig. Several properties she has rented could even earn their own episode, such as the house with the giant beehive in the wall.
The host “said it wasn’t there before we got there,” Jones recalled. “I asked him, ‘So, do you think that I brought a beehive with me?’”
We asked Jones to share her nightmare experiences, plus tips on how to prevent your stay in a rental from become a punch line.
Photo don’t always show the full story
Jones does not trust online descriptions or photos, especially after her fly incident. (Yes, another insect infestation story.)
After settling into an Airbnb in Los Angeles, she noticed a disconcerting number of flies buzzing around. The source of the swarm? A dumpster in front of the house that the profile photos did not disclose.
“There was so many flies, I had to get flycatchers,” she said.
To avoid surprises, Jones says to ask “a billion questions” before you arrive, such as what businesses and buildings are in the vicinity — a school, a train station, a landfill? If the host refuses to answer your questions, don’t book.
No tub in the bedroom or colored towels
When choosing a rental, Jones follows a strict set of standards that she will attempt to uphold by poring over the profile or flat-out asking the host. Among the non-negotiables: The property must have air-conditioning and reliable internet. The tub must occupy the bathroom, not the bedroom. No carpeting, personal family photos or weathered furniture — all three of which appear in the third episode.
“Why are you using leftover furniture that some people gave you and nobody wants to sit on?” she said. “Get good furniture.”
Her biggest nuh-uhs are colored linens and towels.
“Colored sheets are disgusting,” she said. “If I go to some place and they have colored linens, like red or pink sheets — no, no, no. Oh, dude. Take those off!”
White is her preferred shade, because it can’t hide dirt. If she suspects the rental place stocks colored towels, she will bring her own set.
Beware of bad smells
Upon entering a rental, Jones will get a good whiff of the place. Her favorite scent is disinfectant.
She is leery of perfume scents, which could be masking an even greater offense, such as mildew. She reminds hosts that when they clean their carpets, they should open the windows and let them dry, and that they should never leave clothes and linens in the washer.
“It mildews,” she said.
In addition to the sniff test, Jones will check for bedbugs. If she is really suspicious, she will run a hot iron over the sheets and mattress.
“Bedbugs go straight to heat,” she said, “and you’ll see them come up.”
(Shannon Sked, national technical director at the pest control company Orkin, does not recommend this technique. He said that heat can help kill bedbugs but that a hot iron isn’t effective and could be a fire hazard. Instead, he said, place bedding in a dryer and set it to the highest heat setting for 30 to 45 minutes.)
Purge the kitchen
A word to guests or hosts who leave leftovers in the kitchen: “Yuck, yuck, yuck.”
Though some guests may appreciate a starter kit with unused and sealed products, such as snacks and cold beverages, Jones said the kitchen should be cleared of all food items in case they have been contaminated or adulterated. If the host wants to provide some pantry staples, leave salt and pepper shakers.
“You can get those from the 99-cent store,” Jones said. “They come in a package.”
Dubious of other people’s cutlery-cleaning skills, she will run the silverware through the dishwasher as extra insurance.
Hosts, know your boundaries
At a Venice Beach rental in California, a fence separated her lodging from the owner’s house. That didn’t stop him from crossing the line.
She said he repeatedly dropped by to say hello, invited her on outings and texted her during a sanctioned party at the rental. At 6 a.m. the following day, she heard him scrubbing the driveway where they had grilled.
She didn’t leave a negative review but told him at checkout that his chumminess made her uncomfortable and that she felt as if he were watching her.
“It was very creepy, and I would never rent this place again,” she said.
Instead of a negative review, share on social media
If Jones has a disappointing rental experience, she won’t complain via the review process; she just won’t return.
“It’s really hard for me to write a bad review because I feel bad,” she said. “I don’t want to ruin their business.”
However, if she feels wronged, she may take her grievances to social media, allowing her to vent without directly affecting the property’s overall star rating.
“I’ll post that s—. I’ll be like, ‘Look at the Airbnb I’m staying in and this dude won’t give me my money back.’”
Fortunately, in the case of the beehive house, the owner refunded her before she shared the tale with her 2.3 million Instagram followers.
A message to bad Airbnb hosts
While filming the show, Jones experienced exceptional Airbnbs run by hosts who “get it.” But travelers, she warned, need to be careful of greedy, lazy hosts who cut corners.
“Families are going to rent it because it’s a good price, but gross,” she said. “You might as well stay in a broken-down motel.”
As for slackers and shirkers taking advantage of guests, she urged them to “step up your game.” Otherwise, they could find themselves on the wrong end of a Leslie Jones roast.
The post Leslie Jones has stayed in some bad Airbnbs. Here’s her advice. appeared first on Washington Post.
