During times of heightened stress or crisis, many of us lean on our resilience, or our ability to recover from and adapt to setbacks or traumatic situations. But is resilience something we can learn and develop over time, or are some of us doomed by our own vulnerabilities?
The Case for Resilience
Many people consider resilience an inherent trait that you either have or don’t have. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, some people don’t realize how resilient they are until they have no choice but to adapt and cope with stressful hardships and challenges.
“Resilience itself is often discussed as an individual trait, but it is actually influenced by internal [factors] (epigenetics, mental and physical health, personality traits, adaptive information, etc.) and also a tremendous amount of external factors (early childhood experiences, attachment, social identities, resources, etc,” says ShaQuan Read, LMHC, of ShaQuan Read Counseling.
In other words, resilience might shift over time, depending on your health, environment, lifestyle, and other factors.
How to Build Resilience
Thankfully, resilience isn’t just something you’re born with. You have the power to build this trait over time, putting yourself in the right headspace to cope with even the worst of crises. According to Read, here are four ways to build resilience.
1. Name Your Emotions
While it might seem silly or juvenile, naming your emotions actually helps you feel more in tune with yourself, so you can properly move forward and solve whatever issue you’re battling.
“One way I teach folks to do this is with a framework called C.A.L.M. Code,” Read says. “It’s a simple body-based reset when you’re activated or approaching overwhelm: Come back to your body, Acknowledge what’s true, Lower the demands, Move toward connection. It’s a way to interrupt the cycle of depletion before you’re all the way in freeze or flop—instead of toughing it out, you’re giving your nervous system a clear, repeatable off-ramp.”
2. Define Your Resources Before You Need Them
The strongest, most resilient individuals create and lean on resources during difficult times. For example, in my own therapy, I’ve learned I can turn to certain people during crisis, while others might further fuel my fear. Additionally, I’ve developed my own emotional regulation practices, such as writing, yoga, and spending time in nature.
“In my work, ‘resourcing’ means identifying the internal and external supports you need—before you are in the crisis,” says Read. “This means knowing your triggers and identifying the people, places, memories, or practices that genuinely help you feel steady. A nervous system in freeze or flop doesn’t reliably problem-solve in the moment.”
3. Track Your Capacity Over Time
When you become aware of your patterns and vulnerabilities, you can better prepare for and manage them.
“Many folks plan their week around deadlines rather than around their own cycle,” says Read. “Mapping your own systems helps you build in restoration before you hit flop, not after.”
4. Ask For Support
One of the most resilient things you can do is ask for help. Leaning on other people is not the weakness many paint it as. In fact, it can be an act of both resilience and survival.
“Because it’s shaped by external factors too, it isn’t just about mindset,” Read says. “Having a difficult time navigating our current world with all of its stressors is not a personal failing. It means asking for support, building a community, and remembering we are not meant to do this alone.”
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