Most people think they have a pretty clear read on what cheating is. Physical contact with someone outside the relationship, obviously. An emotional affair, sure. The average American’s definition, though, has gotten way more specific—and people are already doing things all the time that fall inside it.
Talker Research surveyed 2,000 Americans in 2026 and found 15% of people in relationships admit to having romantic feelings for someone outside their partnership. Gen Z came in highest at 31%, millennials at 21%, and men were more likely to cop to it than women—19% versus 12%. The feelings are clearly there. Where things get disputed is everything that comes after.
What actually counts as cheating:
- Keeping an ongoing flirtatious text conversation with someone else (41%)
- Talking late into the night with one person while hiding it from your partner (40%)
- Maintaining a dating app profile “just to look” or for validation (37%)
- Keeping someone in your phone under a fake name (37%)
- Deleting messages so your partner won’t see them (36%)
- Keeping in touch with an ex without telling your partner (36%)
- Secretly meeting someone one-on-one (36%)
- Having a secret friendship your partner doesn’t know about (34%)
- Fantasy messaging — discussing “what if we were single?” with someone (33%)
- Sending heart emojis, compliments, or inside jokes to someone in a romantic way (33%)
Dating expert Melanie Schilling, who popularized the term “micro-cheating” in 2017, described it as “a series of seemingly small actions that indicate a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside their relationship.” Figs O’Sullivan, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Empathi, argues the secrecy is the actual injury. “What counts as micro-cheating is any secret interaction that introduces a competing attachment into your primary bond,” O’Sullivan writes. “It occurs when you outsource your attachment needs, building a hidden reality you know would deeply hurt your partner.” The behavior, he adds, is usually a symptom of something going unaddressed at home rather than a premeditated act of betrayal.
The survey also asked Americans why they’ve ended relationships, and the answers take a sharp left turn—weird feet, a bad tip, a disagreement about pineapple on pizza, terribly cooked pasta. Dr. Sal Raichbach, Chief Clinical Officer at The Haven Detox Group, told the NY Post that those reasons should be looked at more closely. “The stated reason for terminating a relationship may not accurately reflect why the relationship actually ended. In many cases, the ‘small’ issue becomes symbolic of a much deeper incompatibility—differences in etiquette, values, lifestyle, attraction, or perceived respect for one another.”
Small things crack relationships open. The text thread, the fake name, the gum-chewing—they’re just where the pressure finally found an exit.
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