The first time you hear it, you might think, “oooh, I’ve really got a pull on this guy.” Then the next guy who hits on you at a bar says it. Then your Hinge date says it. And it starts to feel like the cringiest phrase on the planet.
“You’re dangerous.” Two words. Zero originality. The phrase has saturated dating culture to the point of full-blown ick, with women on Reddit and TikTok collectively losing patience with men who think it comes across as a compliment. One Reddit user, @mothersecretary, has had enough: “Why do guys always say this? I think they think it’s smooth, but it’s so cliche. And what does that even mean? I swear every guy I’ve dated ends up saying this right after we kiss and it just makes me wish I never kissed them.”
The irritation has more to it than the phrase being overused. For many women, being labeled “dangerous” carries an implication they’d rather not deal with—that whatever the guy does next is somehow her fault. Reddit user @mleek said: “At worst, it’s a way to blame the woman for their incoming poor judgment. A way to negate their responsibility for their own choices and behavior. They couldn’t help themselves.”
The 2-Word Phrase Women Are Sick of Hearing From Men on Dates
Relationship therapist Kayte Callaghan told Metro the stakes of that implication are higher than most people even realize. “It can link us to the public shaming there has been about women where they have been sexually assaulted but blamed for wearing ‘sexy’ knickers or dressing provocatively.” A compliment that comes with that kind of baggage isn’t really a compliment.
There’s also the flattening effect. Calling a woman “dangerous” or “trouble” before you actually know her completely skips past her and drops her into a pre-written character—the femme fatale, the heartbreaker, the woman who makes men do stupid things. It’s a projection, not a read. And it gets old.
So why do men keep reaching for it? Pop culture has always rewarded the idea that a woman with a dark edge is more alluring, and the psychology research has added fuel to that fire. Studies have found that so-called dark personality traits—narcissism, Machiavellianism, psychopathy—can pull up someone’s attractiveness rating, at least when things stay casual. One widely cited study found that women rated men with high dark triad traits as significantly more attractive than controls, even when physical appearance was held constant. Men have absorbed some version of this logic and apparently decided it works in reverse—that calling a woman dangerous makes her feel desired the way a “bad boy” might.
It doesn’t. TikToker @nina.brennan captured the reaction most women have, noting that the phrase isn’t romantic at all— it’s lazy. The “bad boy” equivalent has the same problem, Callaghan noted: “It can feel like you’re being asked to perform a particular version of masculinity—rebellious, emotionally unavailable or slightly out of control.”
Most people, surprise, surprise, want to be wanted for who they are. “You’re dangerous” is going to end with an eyeroll and slim chances for a second date. Please stop.
The post The 2 Words Men Say on Dates That Are Guaranteed to Make a Women Cringe appeared first on VICE.
