This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Sarah Silbiger, a 30-year-old freelance video and photojournalist based in Philadelphia. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
My partner and I are both journalists. We worked straight through the pandemic, and it was unrelenting. After covering such partisan politics, I really wanted to have a more holistic understanding of what it meant to live in the US.
We’re really outdoorsy and wanted to see the country. Simply put, I was seeking a creative refresh and whimsy.
That led us to take a sabbatical, sell all our stuff, and move into a van.
Being in love was a nice way to keep things amicable. He’s my partner, but he’s also my best friend, so that helped.
Nonetheless, being on the road for so long isn’t easy; here are my top tips and tricks to keep the peace when you’re with someone 24/7.
1. Food can lift morale
Trader Joe’s was an essential stop throughout our trip.
Unlike Costco, you’re not buying huge quantities, so they’re easier to fit in the van. The food is already simplified for you, so you can buy fewer individual ingredients and have easy-to-make meals.
We also connected over food because life on the road isn’t picture perfect every day. After a long day, making a big pot of Thai peanut noodles was great for morale and absolutely kept the peace in our tiny home.
2. Recognize when something else is making you both miserable
When we were traveling around New Mexico, it was super hot, which, when you’re living outside, puts you in a terrible mood. I was with my partner this whole time, so we were obviously getting frustrated with each other.
Coming from Pennsylvania, there’s not a huge difference between the lowest elevation and the highest. But in states like Arizona, Utah, or New Mexico, a completely different climate might be a short drive away. This is where understanding elevation maps came in.
We realized we could drive for 30 minutes to get from a blazing-hot desert to a snowy mountain in Cloudcroft. Everything was fixed. All morale was restored. Peace was restored to our kingdom.
3. Bring your hobbies
I’m a big crafter. I stuffed an entire storage area with my crafting supplies. I brought my entire tufting setup, including a gigantic canvas and an electric tufting machine.
Bringing along my crafting supplies in the van was super grounding. When your environment is changing so frequently, it feels important to have something that remains consistent.
It always gives you an avenue to have your own space. So anytime I didn’t want to chat with my partner, I would just go do a craft outside on my own.
I think people think they have to go so minimalist with packing that they don’t bring anything except their clothes, food, and a book.
If you’re going to be on the road for a long time, or even if you’re just on a regular camping trip with your partner, I really am pro bringing your hobbies with you.
4. Implement a reset ritual
Spending all your time with someone can drive you crazy at times.
Something we used to reset the energy was these itty-bitty ice-cream cones. If things were going wrong, we would just say: “We need a tiny ice cream.”
We’d eat them, and it was like an instant reset.
Sometimes, if we really needed to put the kibosh on a heated situation, we would take a shot of pickle juice. It was such a funny way to just be like, OK, we’re done. We’re just tired and irritable.
For some reason, that was a really good way to snap out of it.
5. Advocate for your needs
A huge aspect of keeping the peace is advocating for your needs. If you’re tired, you need to say, “I’m done driving, I’m going to go lie in the back. You drive the rest of the way.”
It’s the best way to work out communication in a relationship because otherwise, you’re not going to make it on the road.
For us, it worked out. In fact, we recently got engaged at Green Lake State Park in New York when we went camping in our van again.
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