Growing up, most of us learned about the “bases” of physical intimacy. You know, first base is kissing, second base is touching above the waist, third base is touching below the waist, and a homerun is sex.
Today, however, new couples have a different approach to dating—and, of course, to hitting that homerun.
“The old base system made intimacy feel like a game with rules and a finish line,” explains Dean Collins from Simply Pleasure, a leading UK adult retailer with over 20 years of experience in sexual wellness. “Today’s couples understand that emotional vulnerability, as in being truly open with someone, creates better physical intimacy than any predetermined roadmap ever could.”
Wondering how to create your own intimacy milestones? Here’s everything you need to know about the new base system—and ways to enhance your emotional intimacy.
Why the Base System Feels Outdated
The original base system, which is basically just a baseball metaphor for sexual activity, was once a popular, coded way to describe sexual experiences. However, this outdated system fails to describe other important forms of intimacy in relationships and dating.
“The base system gave people a shared language, but it also created unnecessary pressure,” says Collins. “It turned intimacy into a checklist rather than something that develops naturally between two people.”
“Modern relationships work best when we stop following outdated scripts and start being genuine with each other,” he continues. “Whether you’re physically intimate on the first date or wait months, what matters is that you’re building a real emotional connection. That’s what creates lasting satisfaction, not ticking off bases on an imaginary checklist.”
Today’s Third Base: Emotional Commitment
Have you ever seen that meme that reads ”Third base is when I have a panic attack in front of you”? While the joke itself is hilarious, it’s also relatable due to the sheer emotional intimacy involved when someone witnesses and supports you through a panic attack. This is a great example of an emotionally vulnerable moment that strengthens intimacy between two people.
“Emotional intimacy requires more courage than physical intimacy,” says Collins. “Telling someone about your fears or past heartbreaks makes you far more vulnerable than taking your clothes off.”
And in today’s dating world, which is filled with casual sex and on-and-off situationships, emotional intimacy often feels even more foreign than physical intimacy. Prioritizing emotional vulnerability above sex can be a great way to strengthen your relationships and foster more long-term partnerships.
“The movement away from the base system reflects a healthier understanding of intimacy,” Collins adds. “Real connection is about creating a foundation of trust and honesty.”
Creating Your Own Intimacy Milestones
Rather than following some outdated base system for an intimacy “homerun,” try defining intimacy milestones that are important to you. For example, perhaps you value deep conversations over cuddling, or maybe you’d prefer emotional commitment before sex.
“There’s no right way to build a relationship anymore, and that’s actually liberating,” says Collins. “What matters is that both people feel comfortable, respected, and genuinely connected.”
Of course, this doesn’t mean you can’t prioritize physical intimacy, too—especially if that’s what you’re seeking from casual dating. However, if you’re looking to build a partnership, it’s crucial to foster emotional closeness. Oftentimes, this form of intimacy can actually supercharge physical connection.
“When you prioritize emotional connection first, physical intimacy tends to be more satisfying for both people,” Collins continues. “You’re not simply going through the motions or following a script, but instead connecting with someone you genuinely trust and care about.”
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