When facing relationship conflict of any sort, some people use harsh measures to avoid confrontation. Actions like blocking or even just ignoring the other person can feel cold and counterintuitive. However, there are certain times when blocking someone is necessary—especially if it’s protecting you from someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries.
Recently, more social media users are using a gentler form of blocking to take some space while keeping the peace. Also called soft blocking, this tactic can still feel hurtful on the receiving end.
What Is Soft Blocking?
According to Sara Lichstein, LMFT, “Soft blocking means creating distance on social media without the formal blocking feature.”
This might mean muting someone’s stories, preventing them from seeing your content, unfollowing them/removing them as a follow, or even just slowly reducing digital interactions and communication. However, the impact is similar to regular blocking, leaving the other person feeling confused or cut off—especially if there was no prior conversation.
“People naturally look for resolution when separation occurs. This method can feel more painful due to the lack of clarity,” says Lichstein. “It may lead to someone questioning, ‘What happened?’ ‘Did I do something wrong?’ or ‘Do they still care?’ The lack of finality, such as a block, may lead someone to ruminate and wonder what the distance may mean.”
Is Soft Blocking Healthy?
People tend to soft block for a variety of reasons. Some see it as a form of self-protection, while others simply want to trigger a reaction from the blocked individual. If you feel you owe the person a conversation before taking space, that should lessen the blow a bit.
“Someone may be seeking distance from a friendship, not wanting someone to be as privy to their personal life, creating a gradual boundary versus an abrupt ending, or not feeling as strongly as to block but no longer wanting that person involved in your life,” Lichstein points out.
In other words, intentions are everything when it comes to this tactic. For example, let’s say you’re soft blocking your current boyfriend simply because you’re mad at him and don’t want to have a conversation. In this case, the stonewalling isn’t a healthy approach to resolution.
On the other hand, let’s say you’re dealing with an ex who won’t seem to leave you alone. Soft blocking is a great way to protect you from this behavior and allow you space to heal in peace. I’ve done this after breakups, when I found myself worrying too much about what my ex was up to. I didn’t want to consider them every time I posted, and I definitely didn’t want to feel tempted to check their social media for updates on their life.
“I believe ‘soft blocking’ can be a positive tactic depending upon how it is being used,” Lichstein says. “If it is being used to create a healthy boundary to protect your feelings, then it can be a healthy tactic. For example, ‘soft blocking’ after a break-up to slowly create more space from the relationship. However, if it is in place of having a direct conversation or being transparent, then it can lead to more distress and confusion.”
Trust yourself to know the difference. If you feel you owe someone a conversation before cutting them off or creating distance, give them the respect you’d want in return.
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