Honest question: how do you feel about men moaning during sex? Because women, largely, have made their position very clear—they’re into it, they want more of it, and the absence of it is both noticeable and disappointing. Men, for the most part, have responded to this information by continuing to lie there in near-total silence. The disconnect is documented, it’s consistent, and it has a fairly traceable origin.
Women on Reddit have made their feelings known. There are entire threads full of confessions about how much they love when their partners moan during sex. “I NEED more men moaning during sex,” one user wrote. “I need to know you are feeling it.” Another described it as something that “turns me on and gives me butterflies.” The enthusiasm is surprisingly consistent.
The sad thing is, men are holding back. One Reddit user even called it “embarrassing.” A Lovehoney study found two in five men make no noise whatsoever during sex. The same study found that bedroom noise made the experience more enjoyable for both people involved, which makes the silence harder to defend. Come on guys, let it out!
Men Are Staying Quiet During Sex, and Women Are Not Happy About It
Some of the explanation lives in conditioning so deeply embedded most men don’t even consciously realize they’re refraining. “My theory is that there’s a fear that making noise or expressing pleasure will be seen as effeminate,” musician and masculinity-focused artist Daniel Crook told MEL Magazine. “Silence makes it easier to play the role of ‘man.’” Men raised to suppress emotion in nearly every direction—don’t cry, don’t be affectionate, don’t show vulnerability—are being asked to unlearn a ton of ingrained behavior in a high-pressure environment. That’s a stretch.
Porn hasn’t helped, big surprise there. Mainstream heterosexual porn has historically been produced with male viewers in mind, which means the woman’s vocalizations dominate while the man stays nearly inaudible. The message absorbed over years of that content: moaning is something women do. Men provide, women react.
In practice, women are left wondering if their man is really enjoying himself. Like, truly. Certified intimacy coach Margo Badzioch describes moaning as “the body’s way of communicating with your partner that your body feels good”—and without it, partners are left to assume and wonder. Men opting out aren’t just withholding feedback. According to Badzioch, vocalization helps someone get out of their head and into the experience itself. So…loosen up a little. If it feels good, show it.
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