There’s a somewhat off-putting dating trend that’s going around right now, and I have mixed feelings about it…
Labeled “dating down,” this particular dating approach involves dating someone who you perceive as “below you” in some way, whether in attractiveness level, financial status, or some other superficial measurement.
Let’s dip a bit deeper, shall we?
What Is Dating Down?
Dating down means dating below your typical standards. Perhaps you’re entering a romantic relationship with someone who doesn’t make as much money as you do, who you don’t perceive as conventionally attractive, who lacks emotional maturity, or who might not be on the same education level.
One article on The Asia Business Daily views “dating down” strictly in terms of physical attractiveness—similar to the dating trend “shrekking.” According to writer Choi Young in the media outlet, “dating down … values personality and emotional connection over appearance.”
To be honest, it sounds like a shallow way of saying: “I’m dating for connection, not for superficial reasons”—which, in and of itself, is great. But why do we need to label it a dating trend with an offensive title?
Some people also use “dating down” when referencing a partner who doesn’t meet them halfway in the connection. For example, the “lower” partner might be emotionally neglectful, lazy, or entitled.
To Bruce Y. Lee, M.D., M.B.A., and writer for Psychology Today, this means “dating someone who isn’t worth your time, your effort, and all that you have to offer.”
“Note that this isn’t about dating someone with a different financial, social, or professional status, race/ethnicity, or some other outside appearance thing,” he pointed out in his article on the topic. “In fact, people too often use such superficial things to prematurely rule out others from a dating standpoint. No, dating down here refers more to the inside stuff—not getting the kindness, loyalty, compassion, empathy, support, effort, or other deeper things that you deserve.”
In which case (and in my opinion), you’re not “dating down”…you’re dating an a**hole.
The Problem With This Dating Trend
The idea that someone is “below you” is problematic—plain and simple—especially when that person becomes your romantic partner. Surely, this subconscious belief will bleed into your arguments or behavior within the relationship. You might be less forgiving or willing to compromise, simply because you think they’ll never find someone as good as you. This brings unhealthy power dynamics into the relationship, which can be detrimental to your connection.
Regardless of how you define the dating trend, it sounds like a recipe for disaster. Once you find yourself ranking human beings, that’s when you know you’ve lost the plot. Instead of using some strange social hierarchy, focus on how you’re being treated and whether you’re compatible with your partner. And if you feel unfulfilled or not met halfway, then leave. It’s as simple as that.
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