Think about the person you’d call at 2 a.m. if you really needed someone. There’s a decent chance you met them when everything was falling apart.
A new Dating.com survey of more than 2,000 adults found that 53% of people say their closest friendship began during a difficult period in their lives. Another 67% have stayed friends with someone largely because of everything they’ve been through together. The platform is calling these “Ride-or-Cry Friendships” — connections forged through breakups, family dysfunction, job losses, and whatever else strips life down to who actually picks up the phone.
Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, resident therapist at Dating.com, says the intensity of those early bonds isn’t accidental. Difficult moments, she explains, accelerate the vulnerability and trust that friendships are normally built on slowly. “The hard times could show certain qualities that create a strong connection through care, joy, empathy, and trust,” Bronstein told VICE. The crisis fast-tracks the closeness.
Your Closest Friendship May Have Started When Everything Was Falling Apart
The survey also found that 54% of people have at least one friendship held together primarily by shared complaints — venting about work, exes, family drama, or a mutual dislike of the same person. Bronstein doesn’t write that off entirely. Complaining, she says, is a legitimate form of bonding. The issue is when it becomes the whole foundation. “After complaining and venting, do you encourage each other out of that situation or stay stuck in it?” she said. “When every conversation circles back to the same issues, hurts, and grievances without any room for growth, then it might be worth investigating the friendship.”
The distinction she draws is between a friendship that formed in crisis and one that only functions in crisis. The former has a shot at evolving into something deeper and long-lasting. The latter has a clock on it. “When the hard times are over, the friendships have a new question to answer,” Bronstein said. “Do we enjoy each other’s company and value each other outside what we have been through?”
That question gets harder to answer when adult life makes friendship harder to maintain in the first place. Searches for “how to make friends” have climbed 105%, which Bronstein reads as a sign that people understand what they’re missing but aren’t sure how to build it under current conditions. “Adult life is much busier and more demanding,” she said. “Friendships now need to be built with intentionality and accountability.”
The Ride-or-Cry label is new. The dynamic is not. People have always found each other in the wreckage. The question is whether they stick around once things get boring again.
The post What Is a ‘Ride-or-Cry Friendship’? The Bond Built Through Breakups, Job Losses, and Chaos appeared first on VICE.
