England versus France. Two proud soccer nations with a rivalry that stretches back to Agincourt. And when they meet in the World Cup on Saturday, the stakes could not be …
Lower?
Alas, England and France are not playing in the World Cup final on Sunday in New Jersey. Both lost in their semifinal matches, so they are playing in the unloved, anticlimactic third-place game near Miami.
Who’s going to win? Who cares?
Not even the players involved, it seems. “None of our players and none of the French players want to play this match,” England’s coach, Thomas Tuchel, bluntly told reporters on Wednesday.
That makes sense, because both teams in a third-place game have just been dealt a crushing disappointment, falling one hurdle short of the glory of the final. You think they want to play another game?
The third-place match at the World Cup dates to 1934. A few of the games have been footnotes, like a 6-3 barnburner between France and West Germany in 1958. But most have been forgotten.
The 2014 game may have been the cruelest. Brazil, playing at home, had hoped for a championship, only to be embarrassed by Germany, 7-1, in the semifinal. Four days later, they were forced to turn out for a third-place game and were unsurprisingly awful, losing 3-0 to the Netherlands.
The Olympics has third-place games, and those games carry more significance with the prize of a bronze medal. But in other competitions, the games seem pretty pointless.
That’s why most sports tournaments have dropped third-place games, if they ever had them. The second-biggest international soccer event, the Euros, dropped the third-place match after 1980. The United States’ most famous third-place game, at the N.C.A.A. basketball tournament, was dropped after 1981.
For a while, third-place games were in vogue. For 10 years in the 1960s, even the National Football League experimented with a game in Miami for the two semifinal losers. To make it sound a bit sexier, they called it the Playoff Bowl.
The famed coach Vince Lombardi was not fooled, calling the game a “hinky-dink football game, held in a hinky-dink town, played by hinky-dink players.” It quietly disappeared after 1969. But congrats, Detroit, on your three consecutive Playoff Bowl victories! Bet you wouldn’t trade those for a Super Bowl.
A few other international competitions have continued to cling to their third-place games — the Women’s World Cup, and the World Cups of basketball and rugby, for example. There are few fans who relish these games in any sport.
Maybe journalists are excited for Saturday’s game? Nope. The Independent, a British outlet, for example labeled it “international football’s most pointless game.”
And there is a good chance that when the French and English players hit the pitch, the play will look a little different. With so little on the line, will tackles really be that hard? Will arguments be that passionate? Will stars show their best?
Or will two teams made up of mostly substitutes kick the ball back and forth for a while and then shake hands after a glorified workout?
Oh, and don’t forget, if the score is tied, there will be 30 more minutes of third-place action, and then maybe a penalty shootout for third place. Gosh.
At least you can bet on it, right? Here’s a pro tip: A European team has won 11 straight World Cup third-place games. Unfortunately, that won’t make you any money with both teams this year being from Europe.
Those looking for some reason to watch might turn to the race for the Golden Boot, the award that goes to the player with the most World Cup goals. The standings currently show Lionel Messi of Argentina and Kylian Mbappé of France tied with eight each.
But in a tightly played final, Messi may well be limited to one or even no goals. And yes, third-place game goals count just as much as final goals. Mbappé could face a weakened, unmotivated England defense, and multiple goals for him would not be out of the question.
In the end, the prestigious Golden Boot trophy could be awarded based on the normally scorned third-place game.
But since the game doesn’t really matter to his team, it’s possible that Mbappé won’t even play. Oh, well.
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