When it comes to the dating world, this generation loves titles. Think: black cat girlfriend and golden retriever boyfriend, everyone’s favorite type, apparently.
“The golden retriever boyfriend is always in a good mood, a people pleaser, eager to make you happy, and often doesn’t have strong preferences or rigidity,” says Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a relationship expert at Hily Dating App and Harvard-trained clinical psychologist. “He tends to go with the flow and is easy to get along with. He wants to gain your approval and for you to enjoy yourself when together.”
Everyone raves about the golden retriever boyfriend, but is he really as great a partner as he sounds? Here are three potential downsides of a golden retriever partner.
1. They Tend to Be Passive
Unfortunately, the golden retriever boyfriend is often passive in nature. While they might appear unfazed and “go with the flow,” this attitude can get old real quick, especially if you’re the one carrying the mental load of the relationship.
“The downside with a golden retriever boyfriend is that his positive traits tend to be motivated more by the fear of rocking the boat, avoidance, and people-pleaser tendencies,” says Romanoff. “This becomes problematic when he struggles with being a leader and taking charge of plans or protecting you, but also when it comes to how he relates to other people.”
Many golden retriever partners (men and women!) struggle with boundaries and need to be told what to do, rather than actually knowing to do it in the first place.
2. They Might Prioritize Others Over You
While golden retriever boyfriends might seem “obedient,” you’re not the only one they’re looking to impress.
“A golden retriever boyfriend is also likely to be a golden retriever friend and son and brother, and those roles usually take priority over you,” Romanoff explains. “This often looks like him struggling to take a stand, set boundaries, and put the needs and feelings of others before his partner.”
Sometimes, it’s hard to catch these discrepancies early in dating, but as the relationship progresses, you might feel like less and less of a priority.
“While in the early stages of getting to know a golden retriever personality type, you may enjoy his easy-going nature and strong desire to please, it’s only a matter of time until you take the backseat and learn that his partner becomes an extension of himself,” says Romanoff.
3. They Struggle to Assert Their Own Needs
Golden retrievers live to make others happy, but this often means neglecting their own wants and needs, which can lead to resentment in relationships. Not to mention, as you become more of a unit, you might notice they treat you the same way they treat themselves.
“Golden retriever men and women struggle to assert their own needs in relationships, as they’re often comfortable suppressing their needs to preserve attachment to people in their lives,” says Romanoff. “Their partners become extensions of this process of devaluing their needs to keep other people, like friends and family, happy. Ultimately, you cannot expect someone to do something for you (e.g., make you a priority, set a boundary, demand respect) if they are unable to fundamentally do it for themselves.”
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