Ghosting is perhaps one of the most painful and confusing experiences in dating, yet it’s become incredibly common in modern dating. And I’m not talking about the simple fade-out in casual dynamics, or when someone talks to you for a few days on a dating app and then stops answering.
In my opinion, for it to be true ghosting, there must first have been a foundation of trust and connection. For example, maybe you’ve dated the person for months, and they suddenly block you without explanation. Or perhaps you slept with your situationship for the first time, and now they suddenly aren’t answering any of your texts or calls.
While you can’t always tell whether someone is the “ghosting” type, there are some ways to assess your vulnerabilities. Here are five subtle signs your partner might ghost you.
1. They Talk About Ghosting
When someone has a guilty conscience, they often worry about being “found out.” And so, they attempt to clear their name in advance. We see this often in relationships, where a cheater is constantly accusing their partner of being disloyal, or a serial ghoster claims they would never do such a thing.
“If the person tells you they wouldn’t ghost you, haven’t ghosted anyone and/or would never do that … they’re showing you who they are,” Joanna Hardis, LISW-S, cognitive behavioral therapist and author of Just Do Nothing: A Paradoxical Guide to Getting Out of Your Way, told VICE.
Of course, this isn’t always the case, but it helps to keep your guard up in such situations. Sometimes, someone is subconsciously telling on themselves without even realizing it.
2. Their Communication Is Slowly Fading
When someone who once came on strong with consistent communication suddenly pulls back without explanation, they might be preparing to ghost.
“People who are more likely to ghost are more likely to come on very strongly and then leave just as quickly,” says Hardis. This is what many refer to as the “love bomb” pattern we see in modern dating, where someone pursues their victim for weeks, showering them with affection and attention before ultimately discarding them. With ghosting, however, there’s no conversation or “goodbye.” Just silence.
3. They No Longer Initiate Plans
Someone who’s preparing to ghost you likely wouldn’t be initiating plans in the process. Just as they do with their communication, they tend to pull back from physical hangouts to put distance between the two of you.
“If you’re the one who’s always [made plans], this is a red flag,” says Hardis. “If they used to and now they’re not, that could be a sign they may ghost you.”
4. They Recently Got Out of a Relationship
There’s a reason so many people warn against dating someone fresh out of a relationship. Even if the person believes they’re ready, oftentimes, dating triggers grief and reminds them they’re not over their last relationship just yet. This is one of the most common reasons people ghost, as it becomes too overwhelming for them.
“If they’re recently out of a relationship and/or their life is messy, chances are they may have unresolved feelings for their ex or too many competing demands,” says Hardis. “Instead of being honest and telling you, lots of people will do the cowardly (and easiest) thing and ghost.”
5. They’re a People-Pleaser
While people-pleasers might seem like they’d be selfless lovers, they actually tend to avoid conflict so they don’t have to deal with the consequences of not pleasing someone. As such, they’re one of the main yet unsuspecting types of ghosters.
“If they tell you they’re a people pleaser or nonconfrontational, they may be more likely to ghost because they don’t want to hurt your feelings,” says Hardis.
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