This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Rebecca Black, 63, who lives in Odessa, Texas. Black is raising two of her grandsons, whom she’s raised since 2020. She lives off Social Security and child support. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Prior to becoming a full-time caregiver for my grandchildren, I worked in administrative positions for much of my career.
I had to take a year off work to take care of my mom. I also raised two daughters, who are now 34 and 36. I’ve always focused my life around my children and their activities, and I suffered from empty nest syndrome badly.
My younger daughter joined the military. After enduring some things, her mental health declined. She eventually got some help, but Child Protective Services got involved in May 2020, and I was given placement of her sons. My grandsons are now 8 and 6.
I had to leave my job to take care of my grandsons
It was very, very hard in the beginning. At first, the boys were confused about where their mom was. Their day care shut down because of the pandemic. I didn’t have anywhere for them to go during the day, so I had to leave my job.
I briefly worked in retail and administration, but it was hard to keep the jobs because I kept having to take time off for the boys.
For the first six months, I was financing everything. Then, I started getting kinship care checks, which helped a tremendous amount. CPS would do frequent checks, and I had a very good care worker.
I could no longer work eight hours a day while taking the boys to and from school, making their meals, and getting them to their activities. I decided to retire from an administrative job in April 2025.
I can’t imagine being able to take in these children, but choosing not to and seeing them go into foster care.
Things have gotten better over the years
I try to keep everything calm. I’m single, and we have no close family. We get up at 6:45 a.m. to get ready for school, and I pick them up at 3:15 p.m. I let them do their thing, we go over homework, we have dinner, and I get them ready for bed at 9 p.m. It’s gotten a lot better after seven years.
I’ve been a fairly strict parent, but I let them have their fun.
I’ve gone fishing with them, taught them to ride bikes, and flown kites with them. It honestly brings out my inner child. There are times when I have to raise my voice if they get more rebellious, and I tell them that if they are under my roof, they have to abide by my rules.
It’s tough because they’ve faced obstacles. The older boy has gone through a lot. But he’s so smart and wise; he amazes me. He can name all the dinosaurs. The younger one is very athletic. He looks up to his older brother and wants to be more like him.
It’s amazing how they’ve turned out — they don’t seem to have battle wounds. They’re excelling and flourishing, and I attribute that to them having a stable place to call home.
It’s hard to keep up friendships in my situation
It’s been difficult because most people my age don’t have young kids and can’t relate anymore. Sometimes, I’ll be on the phone with a friend and the boys will want something, and the friend will tell me to call her back when I can. It’s definitely been hard to maintain friendships.
I haven’t been away from my grandsons in seven years and haven’t had respite care.
My daughter’s situation has improved and become more stable in the last year and a half, living with me off and on. She wants custody back so badly, and there are days I gain hope of that happening.
It’s been financially straining
I live off my Social Security of about $1,200 monthly, and I get over $700 a month in child support payments. I own my home, so I have a low mortgage payment. I do shop at Goodwill sometimes, but I find the boys great clothes there.
Financially, times can be straining, especially with higher gas and grocery prices. I spent $500 to fix my AC, and I’ve had to pay for fixing all sorts of broken things around the house. I usually pay around $2,000 a year for both of the boys’ school needs.
Raising my grandchildren has come at a cost to my retirement years, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
I think a lot about my past and future. Was it my parenting that caused my daughter to be the way she is? Am I enough for the boys? What’s going to happen to them if I die, since I don’t want them in foster care?
The boys are my reason to stay active. I’m making sacrifices for the next generation. This is our bloodline, and I want to see grandparents step up, drawing on our wisdom and knowledge to teach these kids life lessons and compassion.
I would so love to be working, but the reward is that they’re constantly telling me, “I love you, Gigi.” That’s what makes it all worth it.
If you’d like to share your story as a grandparent caring for your grandchildren or an older American caring for younger loved ones, share your story here.
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